After significant thought, significant and questionable choices I have to face the harsh reality that at least for now I can’t cut it here. There are a multitude of reasons why but in the end it is simple. I can’t find a job which means I can’t pay my rent. With some help from a few of my blogger friends and my friends in the real world I might be able to pay my June rent but I most certainly can’t keep going the way I am. I am also stuck in an emotional situation that is not healthy for me and at this point running away from that is probably a good idea too. It seems that after nearly a year (off and on) GwtS is my best/worst vice. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to him. I can’t stay away from him. I can’t give him what he wants which is a glorified fuck buddy and he can’t give what I want which is a commitment. The better part of my mind is finally putting its foot down. I am calling done, done.
I am hoping to get June’s rent paid because it gives me time to finalize my next big move. Run, Teri Run. My friend Monica, who I love very much, did however point out that I can’t run away every time I get my heart broken but as of this moment… I don’t have many options and pretty legitimate reason considering the fact that I am drowning financially.
First I have to thank the people here who have and/or are going to help me. It means a lot to me. You have helped me maintain my sanity and every ounce of self-respect I can muster in all of this mess. So many people have been financially and emotionally supportive of me over the past month. All of it has helped me get by.
I have been racking my brain, desperately trying to figure out what to do. My old roommate offered to have me move back to Georgia and share an apartment. If I were financially stable (and in her defense she doesn’t care that I am not) I would do it but I just can’t do it in good conscious. I don’t want to lean on anyone like that for any period of time. Also with no promise of work there either I can’t justify moving across the country where I would like be in the exact same financial position.
Tonight my childhood friend offered me another option. She offered me a place in the small town I lived in when I first moved to Oregon. She asked if I would move back to the place I couldn’t wait to escape, Klamath Falls. Although I loved my job there, I worked as a television producer for a community production house that garnered me two national awards for television, the town is small and I was too big. I lived there for nine years. I met most of my closest friends while living there and several are still in the area. I left and said I would never go back. . .
Now I am going back. I will have a place to live. I can get a job. I can clear my head and plan my next move. I don’t plan on staying but I will have time to write a draft of my book and I will have an opportunity to save money. I will also have time to line something up and move somewhere I really want to be. I actually feel pretty good about my decision. I guess I have to be a big fish in a little pond again for a while.