After significant thought, significant and questionable choices I have to face the harsh reality that at least for now I can’t cut it here.  There are a multitude of reasons why but in the end it is simple.  I can’t find a job which means I can’t pay my rent.  With some help from a few of my blogger friends and my friends in the real world I might be able to pay my June rent but I most certainly can’t keep going the way I am.  I am also stuck in an emotional situation that is not healthy for me and at this point running away from that is probably a good idea too.  It seems that after nearly a year (off and on) GwtS is my best/worst vice.  I am my own worst enemy when it comes to him.   I can’t stay away from him.  I can’t give him what he wants which is a glorified fuck buddy and he can’t give what I want which is a commitment.  The better part of my mind is finally putting its foot down.  I am calling done, done.

I am hoping to get June’s rent paid because it gives me time to finalize my next big move.  Run, Teri Run. My friend Monica, who I love very much, did however point out that I can’t run away every time I get my heart broken but as of this moment… I don’t have many options and pretty legitimate reason considering the fact that I am drowning financially.

First I have to thank the people here who have and/or are going to help me.  It means a lot to me.  You have helped me maintain my sanity and every ounce of self-respect I can muster in all of this mess.  So many people have been financially and emotionally supportive of me over the past month.  All of it has helped me get by.

I have been racking my brain, desperately trying to figure out what to do.  My old roommate offered to have me move back to Georgia and share an apartment.  If I were financially stable (and in her defense she doesn’t care that I am not) I would do it but I just can’t do it in good conscious.  I don’t want to lean on anyone like that for any period of time.  Also with no promise of work there either I can’t justify moving across the country where I would like be in the exact same financial position.

Tonight my childhood friend offered me another option.  She offered me a place in the small town I lived in when I first moved to Oregon.  She asked if I would move back to the place I couldn’t wait to escape, Klamath Falls.  Although I loved my job there,  I worked as a television producer for a community production house that garnered me two national awards for television, the town is small and I was too big.  I lived there for nine years.  I met most of my closest friends while living there and several are still in the area.  I left and said I would never go back. . .

Now I am going back. I will have a place to live. I can get a job.  I can clear my head and plan my next move.  I don’t plan on staying but I will have time to write a draft of my book and I will have an opportunity to save money.  I will also have time to line something up and move somewhere I really want to be.  I actually feel pretty good about my decision.  I guess I have to be a big fish in a little pond again for a while.