This inspired me to share a story
A long, long time ago a man I was dating asked me to respond to a message from his ex on Facebook. I had logged on to his Facebook account to change his profile picture while we sat on my couch. While I was doing so his messenger popped up. It was his ex so he asked me to tell her he was unavailable.
His Ex: Hi!!!!
Me: This isn’t J***. He can’t talk right now.
His Ex: Oh! Who is this?
Okay so clearly I had a choice at this point. I could have just ignored her or closed messenger or I could do what I did, which was… be a complete asshole and tell her exactly who she was talking to. This girl hated me. She hated me with a passion and in my opinion she had absolutely no reason to. She had also been quite vocal about it to anyone who would listen for quite some time.
Me: This is Teri.
His Ex: You stole my boyfriend you bitch. Why would I want to talk to you?
Me: I was just letting you know, at J***’s request, that he isn’t able to talk right now. I don’t want to be having this conversation anymore than you do.
His Ex: Fuck you! You stole my man. You are such a whore!
A few short moments later the guy I was dating’s cell phone rang. I logged him off of my computer and asked if it was her. He nodded as he hit the talk button. “Tell your whore…” “…want to talk to that cunt,” I heard her screaming. He just hung up. He apologized to me. “It doesn’t bother me,” I smiled and shrugged. “Were you two dating when we met?” I asked. It wasn’t the first time it had come up. “Teri, we broke up two weeks before I met you.” he answered. “I don’t really care. I just wondered,” I said. “She is crazy,” he added. “Clearly.”
I genuinely didn’t care. I had met the man six months earlier, one night at a bar. He approached me. He flirted with me. He was there with friends. We sat and talked. We wound up making out. He called me the next day and wanted to do something again that weekend. His relationship status never occurred to me. I didn’t think anything would come of our night but six months later I was sitting on my couch with his arm around me watching movies. I was fine with how we met and didn’t care about who had been in his arms before I was.
The ex was another story. They had dated for three months and when they broke up she had a hard time letting go. The night we met, she showed up at his friends’ bar hopping birthday celebration about half an hour before. He told her to go home because he was just trying to have fun with his friends. Thirty minutes later I was in the picture. That weekend while I was at his place meeting some of his friends and having a few drinks, his ex texted him asking what he was doing. He said he was hanging out with some friends and the girl he had just started dating. Every cell phone in the group started vibrating. She was texting everyone, trying to find out who I was and what I looked like. I even posed for a picture so one of their mutual friends could send it to her. While all this data was being thrown back and forth, two things happened. Everyone decided that I was awesome and “the ex” decided she hated me.
She would tell anyone who listened that I stole her man. I was a bitch. I was a boyfriend stealer. I was a whore. The truth is none of that matters. She was too busy blaming me for what happened to realize that even if they were together he didn’t have much respect for her. He was interested in me from the moment we met. He was so engaged it never occurred to me that he may even have a girlfriend. She hated me for taking something that didn’t belong to her. He didn’t even belong to me. People aren’t possessions. He made a decision. I made a decision. Rather than be pissed at the person who was involved in her pain, she chose to hate me. We never met but she will probably blame me for whatever pain she felt forever.
I can’t imagine holding on to that kind of animosity for six months after a relationship ended. To me that is just nuts. And if you are going to be pissed at someone maybe it should be the one you are emotionally tied to and not a complete stranger. When it comes to jealousy and misplaced anger, I could not care less.
Exes shouldn’t really factor in to a new relationship. They were never part of your life and have no in your relationship with anyone. Some relationships don’t work. Women should spend more time focused on the future instead of constantly looking back. That shit is just a pain in the neck.
