One day a man overheard his wife and young daughter in the shower. “Mommy when I get older I want to have long boobs just like you,” the girl said to her mother.  The girl father chuckled at his daughter’s attempt to compliment her mother.  A short time later his wife prepared for her day in their bedroom and he parroted his daughter’s amusing compliment to his wife.  A terrible fight ensued, resulting in the woman suggesting her husband take off for a while until she was less upset about his lack of sensitivity.

The man was perplexed by his wife’s anger. He left the house and drove to a friend’s work place to tell him the story and hopefully get some insight into what had upset his wife.  He retold the story and they both had a good long laugh about what his daughter had said.  His friend finished his work day occasionally chuckling to himself about what that little girl had said to her mother.

When the man finished his shift at the convenience store where he worked, he headed home to his girlfriend’s house to find her and I sitting on the back porch talking about the effects of aging and gravity on the female body.  How ironic he thought, that there seemed to be a theme to his day.  He retold us the story.  My friend and I were filled with a mix of amusement, horror and sympathy for the woman who received such an innocent yet terrible compliment.

I laughed about it because as a writer that story was something I knew I would find some application for in my writing (and I have a pretty mean sense of humor.)  I still laugh when I think about it or tell friend about the “long boobs.”  I am also horrified by the prospect of having long boobs. It is the inevitable future of any large chested woman and a fate I have witnessed first-hand in my DD-cup turned grapefruit in nylon stockings grandmother.  I, of course, would murder someone to pay for a boob job before I let that happen.

Our storyteller asked us if what his friend did, teasing his wife, was really so terrible to which received a resounding ‘yes” from both of us.  I explained to him that most women are pretty sensitive about the effects of aging on their bodies and though they are forced to accept it on some level it is not something we want noticed and pointed out unless we broach the subject first.  It would be akin to having an open discussion about a man’s physical short comings.  I refer you now to my friend Le Clown’s post about male endowment.

Is what that little girl said to her mother funny? Fuck yes! It is hilarious and I am chuckling as I think about it now. Should that husband have teased his wife about it? Fuck no!  If he’d of teased me about it I would have been throwing shit.

Here is some friendly advice for my male friends in relationships.  It is fine that you heard something in private that was humorous, even at your partner’s expense.  It is even okay that you repeated it to friend. (Okay it probably isn’t but I am damn happy this guy did.) But it is never okay to embarrass your partner.  No one wants to feel like their partner finds humor in one of a female’s biggest insecurities.  It was funny but you need to keep that shit to yourself.

But it is pretty fucking funny.  Poor long boobed lady.  Now everyone knows it.