Not too long ago I was asked if I felt like I have been typecast as a sex/relationship blogger and how I felt about it. I absolutely loved that question and I wanted to take the time to answer it. I get a lot of questions about sex, casual dating and relationships. I love having people reach out to me and ask me for advice and/or guidance. It feels good to know that regardless of the subject matter some of what I write has an impact. It is an important part of what fuels me and keeps me writing.
The topics I get the most meaningful and relatable interactions from are the pieces I do on relationships and dating. My most popular pieces and most commented on pieces, if you peep my stats, are the pieces I have written about casual sex. If you look at the response I received for a collective six or seven pieces it looks like I am one of the cool kids. I enjoy writing about sex. Those posts are easier for me to write than many of my other topics.
I have written several independent pieces on dating and relationships that have been published on other sites. I also have a monthly column for an online magazine that has been incredibly supportive of my racier work. I have covered a wide variety of topics on my blog. I have written pieces about contemporary issues, abuse and spirituality. I really cover, I think, a broad spectrum of topics.
Most of my favorite pieces aren’t about sex at all. I guess most of the work I am proudest of and have inspired the most meaningful dialogs are my posts about relationships. I feel like I am somewhat of an expert on what not to do. I enjoy the way my readers and fellow bloggers relate to and share those posts. That portion of what I write has afforded me some amazing exposure in other areas of media. Those pieces often come from some difficult and emotionally painful life lessons. I am typically not in a happy place when I write a lot of them and often in working through those turbulent emotional times I reach some basic understanding about how I, we connect with others.
I have struggled with depression and anxiety for most of my life. That can make dating difficult but I have learned to cope with it. I have learned to find the positive in negative experiences and it is gratifying to know that that benefits not only me but those who read the material. The work I am most proud of and that has helped me gain a following has truly come from a dark place I struggle to control. Essentially I have to indulge all of that anxiety and hurt. I have to swim in around the darkness to find the solution. Those pieces that stemmed from pain are some of the most important things I have written.
The posts everyone can relate to are the posts that require I focus on emotions I have struggled to manage all of my life. Writing about relationships helps me cope with the additional strain disappointment adds to my sometimes thread bare emotional state. Indulging my darkness to help others makes everything worth it. I started writing because I felt I had something significant to say. It keeps me on my toes. It reminds me how strong people are and that the difficult times in my life have an important purpose, that there are benefits.
I love being asked about relationships, dating and even sex. I am proud of my writing and if there is an area where I can be of use to someone then I am more than happy to do it. I think that what is important about that particular typecasting is that I know what I am talking about. I can relate it to my experiences and that people want to hear what I have to say.
I started this blog because I wanted to contribute and help others through my experiences and my personal growth. I feel like I am doing that and I am so grateful that people appreciate it.
Posted by trjensen on March 8, 2013
We singles are dating in a different day in age. We date in era that is nearly devoid of any sense of how one should behave in the presence of someone they are interested in/dating/in a relationship with. In general they idea of showing women common courtesy has sort of fell by the way side. I have learned not to expect someone to open a door for me when I get out of a car or offer me a coat when I am freezing my ass off. It happens infrequently enough that I often seemed more surprised (and sometimes annoyed) when someone shows a genuine displays the kind of manners my brother was raised to exhibit when we were growing up.
I can site a few examples of what I was raised to believe were the appropriate ways to behave in front of a lady. (I use that term loosely as my general work in specific areas seems less than ladylike.) When my brother was growing up he was taught to hold a door open for women. He was taught to let them enter a building first. Women ordered dinner first and no one ate until everyone was served. My brother would help (even his sister) step over a wide puddle so she wouldn’t have to walk through it. He was taught to respect the women in his company.
As I got older and started dating I found that most of the boys my age were not instilled with the same sense of obligation to be a gentleman. My parents were born in the thirties and didn’t have kids until they were in their forties so my brother and I were raised with a different set of values than those of most our peers. This was behavior my brother and father both exhibited and I it wasn’t what I experienced dating.
It seemed that many of those practices that had just become part of how my brother and I were raised were absent in the men I dated. My attempts to teach my son to exhibit that same level of common courtesy were hit and miss. He will hold a door when it occurs to him. He’ll give up his coat to a girlfriend but not to his mom. He is polite and very personable. He is humble and generous so most of the important stuff managed to stick.
Dating, I found that men stopped practicing most of these acts. I had a guy friend tell me once that the reason he would only do those things for women he was interested in or dating was because if he went out of his way for just any old girl “she’d get the wrong idea.” I suppose that happens but if it were common practice to be polite then maybe women wouldn’t be so smitten by some guy who was just being polite. It seemed like a bullshit excuse to me.
Chivalry is mostly dead. That may not be the case across the board and most men do practice some acts of chivalry then do something that completely negates any of his good habits. Here are few examples.
I just don’t expect much from men anymore. Behavior that used to be common place, behavior that just meant you were polite and courteous isn’t practiced much anymore. It isn’t just men. Somewhere along the way how we treat each other changed. I like the idea of chivalry but to be honest I just stopped expecting it. I treat people the way I would want to be treated and I expect the same from other people. But chivalry is a rarity. The truth is I am probably always going to open my own door because if I stand in front of a closed door waiting for it to open the chances are I will probably be standing there longer than I want to.
We have learned to settle for men who get by displaying only the bare minimum amount of decency. The days of searching our knights in shining armor have passed. We have learned to accept a dipshit wrapped in tin foil.
Posted by trjensen on December 11, 2012
In case you hadn’t noticed I have changed the challenge prompts for a lot of the upcoming posts. I didn’t like a lot of them and I wanted to write stuff that interested me. Day 11 was one of the prompts I changed. Instead of people I couldn’t live without, I opted to share some of my favorite posts by bloggers I love almost as much as I love my own.
The posts are in no particular order. I didn’t rank them. I enjoyed reading everyone. I do hope you’ll take the opportunity to read some of their posts.
- Lafemmeroar – What Men Really Mean
- B(itch) Log – Hottie Maintenance Guy and My Trailer Trash Mom’s Crap Pants: A Love Story
- Pasta for One – More Skewered Dating Profiles and “THINGS!”
- Snarky Snatch – How Do You Feel About Musical Anal Theater? And Other Reason’s You Will Never Fuck Me
- Sips of Jen and Tonic – Sippin’ on Some Tonic
- Viciously Sweet – Why I’m not taking Nyquil Anymore
- BossieMoksie – 8 Reasons Why Jerks Are Attractive
- The Life of J-Wo – The Oddest Things Excite My Wife
- The Hunt for Mr. Right Now – Snogged Charlie and random 25-Year-Old Tried to Pick Me Up
- Tales of a Charm City Chick – La La Versus Lauren
This is definitely the short list. I enjoy so many blogs and posts from so many people. I wish I could just share them all. I hope you’ll take time to visit some of these blogs and that you enjoy them as much as I do.
Posted by trjensen on November 11, 2012
I talk a lot about timing and how sometimes things feel like they aren’t happening at the right stage in your life. I don’t know that I necessarily believe that is true anymore. I genuinely believe that every experience happens to you for a singular purpose. That purpose… to grow.
That being said, timing isn’t really an issue. This conclusion leads to only one rational explanation. Some relationships are just more complicated than others. Some relationships, no matter how strong your connection is, require more work. It doesn’t mean that they aren’t meant to be. It just means that due to circumstance the gestation period of some relationships is just longer. Your interactions may be more limited than you would like. Progress may be slower than you hope for but that doesn’t mean that your timing is bad. It doesn’t mean you aren’t supposed to be in each other’s lives right now.
Things happen when and how they are supposed to. Some things happen the way we want them to; when we want them to. Some things don’t turn out the way we hope. It is always easier to speculate how something might be better if the circumstances were slightly different but those experiences and relationships exist so we may grow.
We have something to learn from everyone who enters our lives. Some relationships are more significant but they all have something to teach us. So when a relationship isn’t going exactly the way you hope it doesn’t mean it isn’t working. Sometimes the struggle can make a relationship stronger. Sometimes we have lessons to learn about ourselves. We just need to be open to what life presents to us.
Take from each experience, the joy and learning opportunities and appreciate each person for what they can offer, an opportunity to grow and experience. And remember, no experience is bad as long as you can move forward a better person.
People come into your life just when you need them. Some are there to teach easy lessons. Others are there to remind you of something. Some serve to teach you something external, others teach you something about yourself. But they are there and present when they need to be. Their timing (in the grand scheme of things) is always perfect.
Posted by trjensen on August 2, 2012