I was talking to friend today. He was asking me about the creeper guy. I gave him an update which is there isn’t one. I blocked him and haven’t heard from him since. Somehow that conversation turned into a conversation about my dating and his perception of how I conduct myself. I love having this conversation with male friends because there is seldom any real emotion in the conversation. I take everything at face value and I seldom get “booty tickled” as my son so eloquently puts it.
He asked how things were going for me. He asked if I was still dating what’s his name. I said I wasn’t. He asked me if I had turned the pressure up on him and I said actually it had turned into something more casual but now it just wasn’t anything. We had become kind of stuck in positions neither of us wanted to be in. I found a reason to be mad and now I am done.
Then he said this, “I’m not sure half your boyfriends should even be allowed to vote. I don’t mean age wise.” He was referring to one specific individual and has since assumed that any guy I like is pretty and dumb, like I am the Hugh Hefner of women. I reminded him that that was one guy.
The rest of the conversation went like this
Me: The way I see it is that I am having fun and I am still learning. A thirteen year hiatus kind of stunts your emotional development. And I typically find myself attracted to guys who are blue collar, look amazing and are typically pretty conservative. They are my polar opposites and that isn’t working. I know that.
Him: It’s hard I know
Me: And I won’t settle.
Him: Then you might end up lonely
I am attracted to who I am and slowly that is changing but I also don’t think I am off track. The idea that the only way to be in a relationship is to settle for someone you don’t really want is sad. (“That’ll do pig, that’ll do.”) If that were the case then I rather be alone or do what I have been doing until I am so unattractive I can’t get away with it anymore.
I am not going to settle. The idea seems ridiculous to me. It’s your fucking life! Why would you settle for less than what you want? That isn’t even an option. That is just undervaluing yourself. It seems ridiculous to me.