The Dick Sucking Story

 A week or so ago, I went out for drinks with a friend. We went to a hick bar with an amazing amount of space and only about six or seven patrons. We sat and drank for a while. When I entered my trailer later that evening I was kind of buzzed. As I was trying to get myself situated for bed, my phone rang. It was a boy.

Me: Hello

Boy: Hey. What are you doing?

Me: Getting ready to go to bed. Went out for drinks with a girl I work with.

I was digging through a drawer trying to find a pair of fleece pajama bottoms because I was freezing.

Boy: Did you pick up a dude?

Me: Nope, I didn’t see many options.

I was distracted (and buzzed) or I would have been appropriately annoyed by this line of questioning.

Boy: So do guys hit on you at work?

Me: Ummm… sometimes. A girl I work with is trying to fix me up with her twenty-five year old brother-in-law. (I have no idea why women always try to set me up with younger men. You would think it might bother women to know I date younger men, something I don’t really talk about with my gal pals, but they seem more than eager to line them up for me like sending lambs to slaughter. Poor little guys).

Boy: I think you should date him.

Something finally registered. I did not like this conversation and wanted to put an abrupt end to this particular line of discussion. Nothing will sober me up quicker than a sucker punch to my ego.

Me: I don’t want to talk about it. We don’t need to be talking about my personal life and I don’t want dating advice.

Boy: Why? I think you should go out with him and then you can take him home and suck his dick.

CLICK.

Really!?!?! My bruised ego was no longer an issue. Now I was just amused. Men have a difficult time hiding jealousy. And honestly, I like when guys get jealous. It is stupid to be jealous and angry, especially when you’ve dated said silly boy and he decided he didn’t want to date other people. Just one more example of “male crazy.”

And why do guys always insult women by suggesting or suspecting fellatio? Is that really the most significant thing a woman can do? I can think of a million things worse and more hurtful than me putting a penis in my mouth. Is that worse than sleeping with someone? Male logic is so strange sometimes. Contrary to popular belief and this blog, I do not spend every minute of the day thinking about putting penises in my mouth. I don’t devise plans to have penises in and around my face every time I speak to or about a man.

So just for future reference… I am a busy girl. My world does not revolve around any man’s penis. And when I am dating a guy I can think of many enjoyable things to do with him that don”t involve his penis in my mouth (but yeah, I’ll probably suck his dick too).

Tossed Salad

Tossed Salad: The act of licking the anus and the area between the sex organs and anus.

I have to be honest.  I don’t understand the appeal of eating someone’s asshole.  I realize it can be stimulating.  For me, it is just a source of discomfort.  Having some dude lick my butthole just makes me want to sock him in the head and ask him what the fuck is wrong with him.  Why would anyone want to do this?

As it has been previously noted multiple times I can and will try just about anything but having a guy go to town in and around my poop shoot doesn’t turn me on any more than having a dude pick my nose for me.  All can think about when a guy goes for my back door is how fucking gross that is.  I am a clean girl and I know I shouldn’t be concerning myself with whatever increases his sexual appetite but having a guy lick my asshole does nothing for me.  It is just awkward.

It is an asshole and it is, even at its cleanest, an orifice that I don’t want to come face to face with.  I understand why guys would want to be on the receiving end of a good tonguing but I don’t have prostate or anything in the back nine that needs stimulating.  It just makes me tense and very self-conscious.

I really have no desire to have my asshole licked. I wonder how many women actually like it.  I will let guy do it but it would definitely work better to cool me of than warm me up.  In the heat of the moment it doesn’t bother me so much but I have had guys go down on me and concentrate on my ass.  That is pointless.  I sound like a fucking prude but it just doesn’t do it for me.

So what do you think? Does anyone actually request this? Tossing salad… yay or nay?

Playing to My Strengths (My First BJ)

Disclaimer:  Some of my friends may not want to read this as it is a subject dear to my heart and I just don’t know how to write about it without being crude and/or crass.  My aim is not to make anyone uncomfortable so if you feel inclined to proceed, consider yourself warned.

The first time I ever stuck a penis in my mouth I was in my early twenties.  It had taken me a longtime to get comfortable even seeing one because I just thought they were gross to look at, that is until I got a little older and was actually sleeping with partners who were good in bed.  It was then I learned to appreciate, nay, love male genitalia.  By the time I had entered my twenties I no longer minded seeing a guy’s member.  I rather enjoyed fondling and otherwise playing with them but I had become so accustom to telling a man no when oral was requested that I had still never given a man head.

When I was twenty-two, I was dating a guy named Eric, who I worked with.  He is one of the best lovers I have ever had.  He was also very good when it came to oral.  We had been sleeping together for almost a month before he asked me to return the favor.

One night we were sitting in the living room of my house, watching a movie.  We snuggled up together in an oversized chair, my head resting on his shoulder.  His hand rested on the small of my back, slowly began to move under the back of my shirt and down the back of my pants.  I told him to knock it off and watch the movie.  He knew I was only trying to draw my time with him out.  We seldom spent time alone together for any significant amount of time.  He still lived in his mother’s house helping her support his two younger siblings. I shared a house with another single mother.  She had taken our boys out for a night so I could spend time with Eric.

As I sat watching the movie, he shifted so that his hands had more access to the front of me, which had been pressed up against him.  He began kissing my neck, his hands tracing the contours of my body.  He slid his hand under my chin and turned my face toward him.  He pressed his slightly parted lips against mine, caressing my tongue with his own.  “I am trying to watch a movie,” I whined, trying very hard to seem annoyed.  “Fine, watch the movie,” he said smiling at me.  He rose from the chair and squatted down in front of me being careful not to obstruct my view of the television.  “Watch the movie,” he smirked at me as he began to undo my pants.  My eyes locked on his as he pulled my pants off and spread my legs.  “The television is there.” He motioned toward the television with a flick of head. “Watch your movie, Teri,” he whispered as he buried his face between my legs.  I tried to concentrate on the film until his licking and sucking became more rapid and focused.  I slid down in the chair, head back and ran my fingers through his hair.  After a several minutes, he rose from his knees, leaned over the chair kissed me.  I struggled to undo his pants as he kissed slowly and leisurely, tracing my lips with his tongue.  When I managed to get his pants down, he leaned over me further so his penis was inches from my face and whispered, “Your turn.”   I smiled up at him and said, “I don’t do that.”  The truth is I wanted to do it, I had never wanted to so badly.  “Your turn,” he said again softly, sliding his hand behind my head.  I wrapped my hand around the shaft of his penis and allowed him to slide into my mouth.  As I did he let out a soft moan and his head rolled back.  I gently ran my tongue over the head of his dick and began stroking his shaft with my hand.  He leaned over me further still and began to guide my head as he shallowly thrust himself in and out my mouth.   I began sucking gently at the mushroom tip each time he began to withdraw.  When his legs began to tremble he laid down on the carpet to make himself more comfortable.  I kneeled next to him and took him back into my mouth, one hand still stroking his shaft the other resting on his chest.  I took as much of him as I could into my mouth without gagging.  I could feel his heart racing and as it did my movement became more rapid.  His body became rigid.  “I am going to cum,” he mumbled and I took his dick out of my mouth but continued to stroke his penis more firmly and rapidly until he came.

He lay on the carpet quietly for a moment. He pushed himself up off the carpet so he could look at me.  He raised his hand and stroked the side of my face, tracing my mouth with his thumb.  “You are a liar,” he said. “You are so good at that, baby.”  I blushed, leaned over him and kissed him.  And that was that.

From that moment on I fell in love with oral sex.  I absolutely love giving head.  It is my favorite sexual act.  I know women say that a lot without meaning it or because they think they are supposed to like it but I really enjoy doing it.  While I have had doubts about my aptitude in various sexual situations that is one area where I know I excel and I love doing things I am good at.  My oral fixation, something I had been teased for growing up, had finally been put to good use.

I never told Eric he was the first person whose dick I had sucked partially because he wouldn’t have believed me but mostly because he enjoyed it so much when I did.  He insisted at the time that I was better at giving him head than any other woman he had been with.    I think we stayed together for as long as we did because I liked giving him head so much. The truth was I just enjoyed making him feel good and I am a firm believer in playing to your strengths.

My First …

Since everyone seems far more interested in my blog when I am disclosing personal and often embarrassing information about my sexual history and I have had requests to be more explicit in the retelling of said very personal, often embarrassing stories I am going to write about my “firsts” for the next week or so.  My intention is to write about as many of them as I can think of and post them every other night. 

I recently had a conversation with a friend about whether or not I was concerned about future employers reading my blog.  I like talking about my life and I like that most of the time the things I share are amusing albeit inappropriate for some audiences.  It isn’t like I am looking for job working with children.* I produce video and write freelance articles, articles that are almost always about dating and bad relationships and my blog really helps that aspect of my professional career far more than it damages it.  If anything I am more afraid of the impact it might have on my dating life once I actually get to the point of wanting a relationship.

So in the interest of trying to write something that is a little further out of my comfort zone and spending a couple of weeks writing about two of my favorite things, sex and myself, I am going to share some of my personal experiences in greater detail.  And if there are any requests leave a comment and I’ll share that first experience too.

* Fun fact: I did produce and direct an award winning children’s series for two years.

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