I tend to be the girl who comes into a situation knowing just what can/will go wrong. It isn’t because I am pessimistic but because I tend to choose situations that are complicated. And I really dislike complicated. At this point in my life I want simple. I want things to flow easily with little need for fretting or concern. Being in a complicated situation where my heart is concerned seems to be my worst proclivity.
I genuinely want a relationship that can just be relaxed, fun and as drama free as humanly possible. I like easy; I am easy. (Shut up! That is not what I meant!) I just tend to find myself attracted to men who seem amazing but circumstances are always looming over us like a giant cloud of impending doom. I fucking hate that. Some of these issues could be remedied, some were destined to fail.
Baby on the Way
Dating a guy with a very strong sense of family is awesome. Dating a guy with a strong sense of obligation can be great too. Starting a relationship with a guy who is two months shy of being a first time father and would do anything to ensure he is part of his new son’s life is not wise. It was clear how this situation could (and likely would) end. Once he saw an opportunity to reconcile with his baby’s mother, everything else got tossed aside. It wasn’t a surprise. It was easy to see it coming but it doesn’t mean it feels any better.
The Regretful Man-Whore
Dating a coworker is just never a solid judgment call. Dating a guy who is a self-proclaimed slut is just dumb, even when said ‘slut” is constantly saying how he wants to change. He wants a relationship now. He is sick of playing games. Electing to sleep with that man after a very long stint of abstinence is just being unbelievably reckless with your heart. It is kind of like standing on a train track expecting a train to be able stop without hitting you. There is no way you are walking away from that scenario unscathed. It is just an example of really poor decision making.
Dating the ex of someone who literally hates you is another interesting avenue to explore. The potential for problems are apparent from the start. When the guy has to deal with the person who hates you (for at least sixteen more years) it gets even more difficult. When dating you could make that situation even more complicated for him, there is more potential for bad. The last thing you want is to see him suffer especially because of you.
I really don’t feel like I choose these situations but I am definitely overly optimistic once I am in them. I tend to make dating more difficult than it has to be. I don’t date with the odds in my favor. I try to shrug it off. It is a lesson. The problem is I can see the lesson before we actually start the exercise. Is it wrong for me to be hopeful? Sometimes it really feels like it is worth a shot.
Posted by trjensen on January 23, 2012
I just finished reading last year’s New Year’s post. I was excited about the upcoming year because I knew there was a lot in store for me. This year, I finally got away from the shitty neighborhood I was living in, my son finally left the house (although it was a brief departure.) I started a new blog which I am so proud of. I got some work writing and I finally started gaining more control over my emotional self. I had an amazing year!
This year I know things will be more amazing. I am beginning to focus on what is good for me and not just what feels good. This will be the year I go back to behaving like grown up, with grown up responsibilities and still making time for all the refocusing I am doing in my life, in terms of emotional development. I have been almost solely focused on my own emotional needs and I don’t anticipate that will change much. I just need to work on multitasking.
I haven’t really been doing much juggling because I have been working mostly from home and it has allowed me much more opportunity to work on achieving my goals at my leisure. I need to get back to work and still be able to make time for the rest of the things going on in my life.
My dating life is going well. I have had two dates with the European and we are seeing each other again this weekend. I have to say there are some stark contrasts between him and the last two guys I dated. He has already asked me what I am looking for in regard to a relationship. I love talking to him. There has been a giant change in the level of conversation. I could talk to the last two but this is just a different. He is intelligent and his range of knowledge is very different than my own which challenges me. I am learning that just because we may be on the same level ideologically and intellectually doesn’t mean I have to be bored. It is also nice to date someone closer to my age with similar interests and a future that seems more like one where I am not sacrificing my future to have one with someone else.
Now that I have realized that is possible I have a better idea what I am looking for. I feel like my desire to find someone to spend quality time with is far more focused and it actually feels like I am really close. It may not be the European but I wouldn’t count him out. I like spending time with him and regardless of what happens he is a much better representation of what I want and the type of man I should be spending time with.
So even though t 2011 started off rocky it was definitely worth the bumps in the road. 2012 is definitely going to be even more amazing. I am so excited to see what the year holds in store. This may just be my decade! I hope that everyone has feels excited and optimistic about the New Year as I do.
Wishing you nothing but the best. May you be happy, grateful and forever growing.
The Narcissist (Teri)
Posted by trjensen on January 2, 2012
So many amazing things have changed in my life. I lost weight, got healthy, I tapped into my writing in a way I didn’t imagine was possible and most importantly, I realized how truly amazing I am. I have more confidence in myself now than I have ever had. I am living alone and I feel like I can do anything. The world is wide open waiting for me to do what I will.
In so many aspects of my life I know exactly what I want. I want to continue to write in the hopes that people continue to find my work relatable and entertaining. I will continue to learn more about myself and reach inside me so that I may help others do the same. I just want to share my experience and encourage people to look to themselves for strength and love.
It is wonderful when you see the person you truly are and have the strength to change the aspects that aren’t really working. You can change the way you view yourself and your world. You open yourself up to a whole new world of experiences and opportunities. Sometime you have to let things go, things you realized were holding you back, people who view you negatively because you focus on yourself and what is best for you.
My son jokingly refers to this period in my life as my midlife crisis. He isn’t entirely incorrect. Just before I turned thirty seven I had become wholly unsatisfied with who I had become and the lack of focus in my life. I am merely a shadow of the girl I was. I am now a woman who has a much stronger grasp of who she is, what she wants and what she deserves. I made a lot of physical and emotional changes. I acknowledged, for the first time in my life, that it was okay to want things for myself. I should always continue to strive to obtain what I want.
I am more determined and in touch with why I want what I do and although I sometimes struggle trying to determine how best to approach something, I am always learning and growing, even in my failed attempts, which makes them more profound lessons and not really failures at all. I am more honest, braver and less reckless than I was when I was younger. By developing a deep respect for myself I am able to view the world more optimistically.
I have changed so much, in so many ways that I can’t really argue that I might be in the middle of a midlife crisis but I am having the most proactive midlife crisis ever. I am having an awesome time and I am in an amazing place in my life. I would change what I am experiencing for the world.
Posted by trjensen on July 5, 2011