We all have that female friend, the one who is in love with some dude who clearly doesn’t feel for her what she feels for him. The one with the “boyfriend” who breaks her heart repeatedly but still just can’t get to a place where she is willing to leave him. She loves him and she knows that he, somewhere in the deep recesses of his heart, loves/needs her too. We listen to her tales of woe and thank heaven that we aren’t her. We say things like, “I am glad I am single” or “I would never date someone like that.” We all feel terrible because we know that this man clearly doesn’t love her but of course we would never say it to her. We just pity her.
Writing and studying (and obsessing) about relationships like I do, affords me the opportunity to hear tons of these stories. People like talking to me about their relationships and I like listening. I am a good listener. People also ask me for advice and I help when I can but I am often disheartened and a little discouraged by these stories. It always troubles me when I hear the story of a woman in a long standing back burner relationship with a man. She is his secret, his special friend. Although she is hurting in this relationship, she would rather have that than nothing at all.
Although, I should tell these women that it this is just a toxic relationship, I should tell them these men don’t deserve the hope these women are clinging to, I don’t. I don’t tell them these things because no woman in love would believe such an answer. They would merely chastise me for not understanding the complexity of their relationship and move along to someone who draws a conclusion better suited to their liking.
Love is ultimately something we feel and once we feel it we can’t just stop. Some love isn’t healthy. We can become addicted to the idea/feeling of being in love. Sometimes what we love isn’t something that can ever love us back the way we need. It isn’t always easy to admit that just because we care for something doesn’t mean that we will ever see it come to fruition in the way we imagined.
Sometimes you just have say, “I still love this person and I care for them. I am really sad that things didn’t happen the way I envisioned they would.” Then you need to acknowledge that regardless of how you feel, you can’t have that person in your life anymore. You don’t choose who you fall in love with but you can put an end to a relationship that isn’t giving you what you need.
You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself. ~ Unknown
Posted by trjensen on September 26, 2012
I know it seems like I have fallen off the face of the earth but I swear I am still around. I have been busy settling in, adjusting to the change in my sleep schedule (in the country people expect you to be up and able to function before noon. who knew…) and really trying to organize my thoughts.
I am happy and relaxed. I feel like I am contributing in a physical sense and that is something I really needed. I need to do things and I had become far too accustom to just let everything pass me by for too long. I am in a good place emotionally and mentally. I have my own little space and I am having my first conjugal visit (hehe) next week.
I am very happy to be having company and super duper happy to have lots and lots of opportunities to get some fun cardio workouts ;P I am mean no one really expected that to change right? I am still horny twenty four seven and the lack of men in the middle of farm country has resulted in me inviting men to visit.
But I digress, I am good and I will write something more substaintial very soon. Thanks for the continued support. I hope everyone is out enjoying their lives as well.
Posted by trjensen on July 14, 2012
As anyone who reads my blog knows, I’ve had rough month financially and emotionally. I have had trouble finding the joy I usually experience around the holidays. I love Christmas and I have had a hard time getting into the spirit this year. Christmas is a time for sharing, giving and love. I have been so blessed this year and I have spent most of the evening reflecting on all the things that have exemplified all that I have been overlooking.
I have an amazing support system and although I don’t have many living family members the ones I do have are amazing and I am so grateful . I also have an amazing group of friends who support me when I am low and lift me higher when everything in my life is going well. I never have to deal with more than I can handle although sometimes it feels like everything happens at once. I am strong! I know I am strong and regardless of how much I might struggle in a given situation I always have the support of my loved ones to help see me through.
This blog has been an important part of my life and I am so proud of what I am glad that I have the opportunity to share (and vent about) my life with such an amazing group of talented writers. I am in great company. I feel so blessed to have the support of my fellow bloggers. You have all shared so much of yourselves and now I have an entirely new group of friends.
I want to wish everyone in my life Happy Holidays and a truly Happy New Year!
Posted by trjensen on December 25, 2011