This list was surprisingly difficult for me to create. There are plenty of things I don’t like but every time I started the list, what I was writing made me sound like an asshole. I have tried to modify the list. Some of the facts still illustrate my capacity for douche-ness but I decided I really don’t care.
- I do not like watching or talking about reality television. I really have no interest in the unscripted television format. I recently had an old professor ask me what type of writing I did professionally and for my blog. I told her that I wrote about my dating life. She said, “So you write fiction.” I misinterpreted her statement initially taking offense to the implication that what I was writing was false. She explained that personal accounts are relative and bias so it was hardly a full account of actual events. Reality television is like that. It is all the “best” parts cut down into 30 or 60 minute pieces.
Looking at and especially touching people’s feet are somethings I prefer not to do. Feet are gross. People think penises look weird. Look at someone’s toes. Yuck!- I don’t like washing dishes or cleaning bathrooms.
- I don’t like using port-a-potties. I will only use one if I absolutely have to. Portable toilets are fucking disgusting.
- I don’t like to speak in front of a crowd. I can do it if I am teaching or if what I have to say is brief but I don’t like doing it. It makes me anxious and kind of nauseous.
I hate going to weddings. This is a fairly new development. It is due in large part to the fact that I want to punch happy couples in the face.- I don’t like to talk on the phone. If I haven’t spoken to someone in quite a while and can actually have conversation, that is fine. Calling just to chat when we text or message each other regularly… then why call? I prefer not to be on the phone. The only exception to that rule is when it comes to the men I date. I don’t mind them calling.
- I don’t like to be the only sober person in a room full of drunks. I have little patience for drunks unless I am drunk as well.
- I don’t like to dance in public. Don’t ask because regardless of how drunk I am and/or how hot you are it isn’t going to happen.
- I don’t like to go on blind dates. I have to meet a guy first in a group setting or I won’t even entertain the idea of a date.
I don’t like to cry in front of people. It doesn’t matter how much I like you or how close I feel to you, I hate to cry in front of anyone. I feel the same way about it as I do public speaking. If I do then I definitely need a hug and don’t be surprised if I don’t speak to you for a while after.- I hate humoring people. If I say I don’t like something or I don’t want to do something then take me at my word because I can be pretty unpleasant when I am uncomfortable.
- I don’t like to check my online dating profile inbox. I find it pretty painful.
- I don’t like to talk to or listen to people I find unattractive talk about sex. I don’t want to visualize you like that. Those images are hard to get out of my head. Of course I do have these discussions because I write about sex but… I rather have my pubic hair plucked out with tweezers.
I don’t like having to repeat myself during sex. I don’t want to have to teach a grown man something that supposedly comes more naturally to him than it does me.
And there you have it. I could keep going but I fear it would make me seem far more misanthropic than I am.
