Random Bits of (Very Unnecessary) Information
One day, while at work, I was sitting at my desk checking in books when a man about my age came in with his three year old son. He spoke to me for several minutes. He asked a little about how I came to live in this small community, how I enjoyed it and what I did for fun. They were general feeler questions that I didn’t mind answering because I like feeling like men are interested in me. I sometimes fear I may just be slipping into the dating abyss and become completely invisible to men. It seems dumb but I feel sorta’ shut off when it comes to men. I am still not my witty, charming, dynamic self.
He sat down in the children’s section with his son and I could hear him reading to the boy. I have always appreciated, as a single parent, the effort put forward by other single parents to engage their children. I spent many a long day, in the library with my son, reading and talking about books. It is nice to see parents doing productive things with their children. I always felt it was important.
After a while, he made his way back to my desk. He explained that he had custody of his son and that he only planned on being in the area for a short period of time. I really wasn’t interested in him but I didn’t mind chatting. His son called him back over to the books. He had selected another book to read. His dad ushered him toward to table that sat adjacent to my desk. As he was reading to his son, they got to a line in the book. “The dinosaur brushed his teeth.” He then added, “That is something daddy always forgets to do.”
Sometimes the things people say astonish me. Why would you spend twenty minutes chatting a girl up then make a comment about your poor personal hygiene in front of her? That is just gross. I spent the duration of his stay in the library marveling at his lack of common sense. When they settled on some books they stepped over to my desk. As I checked them out he smiled at me and said he hoped that he would see me again soon. I gave him a quick smile and they left. “I hope not,” I mumbled as they exited.
It seems this would go without saying but here goes… If you are trying to get a feel for someone you think might be interested in you don’t say things, in their presence that’ll totally gross them out. Don’t offer information they don’t need. It is gross that you don’t brush your teeth but to announce it is just stupid.
I have a blogger friend who asked why the girl he was dating needed at least an hour to get ready for anal sex. I was dumbfounded. I wasn’t confused that she might need some prep time. I can think of several reasons that might be. I was appalled that she told a guy she was casually dating she needed prep time. I don’t understand why she thought it needed to be said at all. Why does your date need to know you need to “prep” for sex. If you’ve discussed sleeping together then all your partner needs to know is that you consent to said sex. He doesn’t need to know you have to give yourself an enema (For Fuck’s Sake!) or that you need time to get things loosened up. (WTF!)
When it comes to dating, less information really is the best policy. If you have a communicable disease you should be honest… You should just be honest but don’t tell people things that will gross them out. You shouldn’t tell people things that aren’t necessary or that will make them wonder what you are up to. Keep things simple and fun.
Posted by trjensen on January 14, 2013
…with Anal Sex
I have been writing a lot about my personal life lately. I don’t mind doing do it occasionally. I always try to tie my personal experiences into everything that I write but I don’t examine my emotional state all that often. I just try not to focus on the bad parts of my life because the truth is I always get by and I don’t like talking about something until I find the lesson in it.
This morning I was going through my comments. I had a suggestion on a recent post in which I asked for topics. It was four simple words, “only write about sex.” Although I deleted the comment and I never only write about sex, the reason I get so much traffic is because I do write about intimacy a lot. I decided to indulge the request. The request made me smile and I have been promising a certain someone I would talk about something that related to our sex life for a while.
I had never had anal sex until about a year ago. It wasn’t that I was unwilling to try it; I just didn’t trust anyone enough to do it. As I have discussed openly in the past, before I met GwtS last fall I was in FWB situation with a guy I have known for a while. At some point we got on the subject of anal and I told him I had wanted to try it. We decided to try it together. He had had anal sex before and had some ideas about how to make it less uncomfortable for me. Most importantly I trusted him. (He was also not very big which for the first time was a plus in my book.)
We had anal sex a handful of times and I neither disliked nor loved it. It was simply something different and different could be good sometimes. A few months later I started dating a guy I did like and trusted. He asked me if we could have anal sex. I was a little leery because he was pretty well endowed. His dick is as big around as my wrist. My wrists aren’t huge but I most certainly wouldn’t be trying to ram one up my ass.
To say that it was a completely different experience would be an understatement. It was painful. It hurt like hell. Nothing says romance like a little rectal tearing. I was also afraid of the long term damage that might be inflicted based on his girth alone. I often joke that he ruined anal sex for me (not that there was much to be ruined.) For a long time I refused to do it. I know he wanted to but I really didn’t enjoy it.
Like anything else you share with a partner, communication is key. We actually talked about what was bothering me about the experience. I needed him to go slower and be less forceful. Finally we got to a place where I could even relax enough to have an orgasm while we had anal sex. I am certainly not going to have it on a regular basis but I have decided I don’t hate it. But if I start shitting my pants when I sneeze someone is going to die.
Posted by trjensen on April 30, 2012
Over the past year I have done a lot of things I said I would never do. A lot of things… I tried to live by the idea “don’t knock it until you try it.” I have opened myself up to many new things, some I liked and some I didn’t. I know that most women have certain things they won’t do in the bedroom. Every girl draws the line somewhere.
When I became sexually active my limits were numerous. In fact, only acceptable forms of sexual activity were vaginal sex and oral, with me as the recipient. I didn’t want to touch or see a penis and I damn sure wasn’t sticking one in my mouth. A few years later, when I was more accustomed to the sight of a penis I decided touching one wasn’t so terrible and I even let a guy talk me into sticking one in my mouth. I still refused to let a guy finish in my mouth but I determined that I rather liked oral sex even when I was on the giving end. I finally got to the point where I was comfortable enough with men and their equipment that I started seeing the job through to completion.
As I got older and more adventurous I decided that I needed to try to be more open. I decided I wanted to try anal sex and I did. The first guy I had anal sex with was not well endowed and I walked away from the experience feeling like it wasn’t that bad. It wasn’t my favorite thing to do but I could do it once in a while. The second man I did it with then ruined it for every other man I would ever sleep with. He was well endowed and didn’t seem to think lube was necessary when trying to cram himself into an orifice that does not lubricate itself. I have been very fortunate in regard to men’s size and there is no way I would let most of the men I have slept with anywhere near my butthole, even with lube.
So at that point the things that were off limits were the obvious… no animals, no body fluids that weren’t normally associated with sex and nothing that involve hooking me up to a piece of electrical equipment. I had done almost everything I said I would never do. What can I say? In the heat of the moment I tend to be very accommodating.
So now when I am talking to my friends about sex and they run off a laundry list of things that one could experience in a sexual encounter, I have typically tried more than most of them. But I still have one hang up. It is the one thing I just don’t like. Most people laugh at me when I tell them because it is really mild by comparison.
Don’t come on my face! I don’t even like the idea of it. That is where I draw the line in the sand.
Posted by trjensen on February 1, 2012