“
Do you want to come over to my place tonight?” my coworker asked me last Friday. “My nephew still wants to meet you. He has been asking for a while.” I sit quietly mulling it over for a moment. “Sure, I’ll come over,” I finally respond. I went home to do a little research and to get ready to go to her place. I logged on to Facebook, found my friend’s page and searched for her nephew. I wasn’t overly excited to meet the guy I had been told had been asking to meet me for months. It was nothing personal. I just have a type and he was exactly the opposite of what I am typically attracted to. I decided meeting him wouldn’t hurt anything.
I have complained about not having social outlets and about not having opportunities to meet new people. At very least I was being afforded a chance to do both just days after I decided it was what I needed. When we arrived at my friend’s house, she gave me the tour and poured me a glass of wine. We then headed out to her husband’s workshop where he and her nephew were standing around the grill talking as a whole chicken sizzled on the fire.
I was introduced to her children, husband and nephew. Her nephew shook my hand and introduced himself, holding my hand a bit longer than I was comfortable with. I shrugged it off and began answering questions about myself, where I was from and why I was where I was. As we chatted ‘the nephew” inched closer and closer to me until he was literally leaning up against me. I casually stepped away several times and slowly began to realize he had had a lot to drink.
As the night progressed he seemed to become more aggressive. He continued to lean against me where I stood, would sit where I sat making sure his leg was pressed against mine. I would move he followed. He attempted to hold my hand, rub my back and hug me from behind, all without ever have asked me a question about myself. We barely spoke. I was pretty cranky. Finally, our hostess left us alone in the workshop while she went to the house for some beer. I sat down on a sawhorse and my admirer sat down next to me. I tried to scoot away so we weren’t touching. He slid his arm around my waist to keep me where I was. I refused to make eye contact. He moved his hand from my waist to my lower back then attempted to slide his hand down the back of my pants.
My back stiffened as I turned and looked him in the eye for the first time in over an hour and said, “Be a gentleman.” I scooted away from him not breaking eye contact. “What?” he asked a little confused and annoyed. “Be a fucking gentleman,” I repeated a little louder and with more conviction.(Inserting a swear word always adds conviction ;P) “I am going home,” he slurred. “Why?” I asked. He looked at me rather confused. “I don’t care if you go or stay but I just think you should exercise some manners,” I explained. He glared at me for a moment as our hostess came back into the shop. “I am going home,” he said as he clumsily stood up. “Bye,” we responded in chorus. And just like that he was gone.
I don’t mind being introduced to men, even if I am not attracted to them. We could be friends, right? Not if you try to molest me without so much as expressing any interest in me as a person. I was told he wanted to meet me for a while. I was flattered by that. So why would you get wasted before meeting someone? That is not an attractive trait. I have talked about the pros and cons of liquid courage before and my little attempt at getting back on the horse (no matter how half-assed) didn’t change my opinion.
So what have we learned about meeting new people?
- Be present
- Don’t get sloppy drunk when meeting new people
- Keep your faculties about you
- Show some genuine interest
- Don’t molest strangers
And…
5. Be a FUCKING gentleman!!!!!!!!!!!
That is all. Class dismissed.
xoxo
The Narcissist
The Wandering Mind
/ March 4, 2013You stood your ground & rightfully so. He should learn to ready body language before trying to apply his body to anyone elses. I hope you enjoy the chicken at least.
trjensen
/ March 4, 2013I don’t eat meat (some seafood) and I forgot to mention it but one of their dogs pulled the whole bird off the grill. Lol! Everyone was a vegetarian that night.
The Wandering Mind
/ March 4, 2013That is too funny! You will find who you’re looking for & you’ll know it by the way he touches you & your life.
trjensen
/ March 4, 2013I just can’t get past the touching part.
The Wandering Mind
/ March 4, 2013Lol, I used the “t” word for a reason Teri. There’s more than one way to touch a woman.
trjensen
/ March 4, 2013True that but the word is kind of cringe worthy right now. I hope you are well, my friend.
Harry
/ March 4, 2013You are 100% correct
trjensen
/ March 4, 2013Thank you Harry! It is good to hear from you as always.
Karen
/ March 4, 2013Wow, what a truly bizarre encounter.
trjensen
/ March 4, 2013Is it? I guess I have been on some interesting dates. I don’t mean to imply I am constantly molested but I have dealt with other pretty grabby men who did so without provocation unless just showing up is cause enough.
What I Desired To Say
/ March 4, 2013Creepy Dude strikes again!
trjensen
/ March 4, 2013That is a fact! It was an interesting way to get back out there.
M
/ March 4, 2013Ewww. How awful! The touching would have been bad enough…the drunkenness would have been bad enough…the lack of social skills would have been bad enough – but all together? Just repulsive!
trjensen
/ March 4, 2013I woke up just angry the next day. I was so cranky. I don’t imagine I will ever just bump into him so at least there is that.
Tiffany N. York
/ March 4, 2013What was he–some horny teenager?
trjensen
/ March 4, 2013I think he was thirty-ish. He was definitely old enough to know better. I date ‘em young, not that young. And I have dated younger men with way more respect for women.
Cakes McCain
/ March 4, 2013How inappropriate! I don’t understand… IF you are not reciprocating WHY do they continue? You dealt with that perfectly, even with the F word!
trjensen
/ March 4, 2013I wouldn’t even look at him. The second I realized he was wasted I wrote him off. He was so aggressive with someone he didn’t even know… That alone was such a turn-off. I just account this to not trusting my gut. I thought how mature of me not to be so vapid for a change. (Sometimes I love that I sound like a complete asshole.) But I wasn’t attracted to him and my showing up clearly sent the wrong message.
FYI: It was great to see you leaving a comment, my friend. It made my day! Really!!!!
luv2sex.info
/ March 4, 2013Yes Madam, I get your message loud and clear!
Jewel Divas
/ March 4, 2013Why did you wait so long to say anything and why didn’t you brush off his hand/arm/anything else that came near you sooner? A polite brush off with no fuss or bother could have been made and only he and you would have been wiser.
I was in Tamworth at the music festival with my mum, two friends and the line dancing club we were with. At some sidewalk table in the main street this guy who ran it and didn’t know me from Eve put his arm around me.
He may have thought he was having fun but I found it uncomfortable and an invasion of my personal space. I immediately and loudly told him off and to remove his arm. He did and I walked off.
Our friends later asked why I did it, well hullo! He was sleazy and I didn’t know him from Adam. I wasn’t shy about standing up for myself in my 20s, even more so now at 39!
I just don’t know why women wait so long to say something.
Were you worried you’d offend your friend? In which case she should be offended her nephew was a drunk sleaze and made you uncomfortable.
Were you worried about offending him? In which case he was a drunk sleaze and was making you uncomfortable so who cares.
I think women need to stand up for their personal space, morals, principles and standards more and not wait until their late 30s/40s/50s to speak up or do something.
trjensen
/ March 4, 2013I did brush him off several times. Told him to calm down and made it physically obvious I was interested. I did wait for an opportunity when we were alone to speak to him to explain why what he was doing wasn’t working. I have had that conversation with other men successfully. Most of what I write is about male and female interaction. I am pretty good at it. He wasn’t really receptive to it so I was happy to see him go.
I have no problem sticking up for myself. I seldom concern myself with offending anyone. I simply felt I was being presented with an opportunity to explain some things to the guy. Had I felt like I was in real danger, I would have left but I didn’t feel unsafe. I was just annoyed. I don’t do anything that makes me uncomfortable to accommodate anyone else.
At 39 years old, I have the utmost respect for myself. I have a very high opinion and understanding of who I am. The reason I waited for an opportunity to speak to him, and that conversation would have been unpleasant even had he stuck around to participate, was because I hoped he could learn something from it.
The Reemachronicles
/ March 5, 2013I’ve messed up many opportunities with women by drinking too much. It sucks when you think about it the next day. Hopefully this is a lesson learned for him to NOT get drunk like that. I’m sure you weren’t the first girl he has done that to.
trjensen
/ March 5, 2013I am sure you are right.
omawarisan
/ March 6, 2013Somewhere, there is a guy incredulously telling his friends “all i did was put my hand in her pants and she went off on me.”
trjensen
/ March 6, 2013Probably… That makes angry.
Deliberately Delicious
/ March 6, 2013Amen to number 5!
bossymoksie
/ March 7, 2013I hate guys like this! wtf
Did you tell the co-worker what happened? I would be annoyed at her too.
trjensen
/ March 7, 2013She witnessed what he was doing. She didn’t really say anything to me about it.