It really drives me crazy when someone tries to tell me what I think about myself. What I think I do and don’t deserve. Or especially tell me that I am making decisions based to my poor self-esteem. I know exactly who I am. I know what I am worth and I am totally okay with who I am the decisions I make. I am okay with every single one of them. I don’t choose incorrectly and I don’t make a mistakes.
I realize that everyone has an opinion about everybody else and what they are doing with their life. I do it; you do it; everyone does it. What I don’t do is try to offer advice under the assumption that what I think is fact and that I completely understand why you have a behavior or why you are making the decisions you are. People make decisions because it is what is best for them. It may not be the choice you would make but that doesn’t matter because it isn’t your journey.
I know myself very well. I understand why I think the way I think and why I do what I do. I know when I need to work on something and when I need to take a step back and reassess my approach to something. If I need a second opinion or an outsider’s viewpoint I’ll ask. I like asking people what they think because I respect constructive input. Understanding what a situation looks like from the outside is often useful when you need some context or perspective. I appreciate that and often ask for that sort input here. Those conversations often turn into constructive dialogs about relationships in general.
The key is to not presume you know more about a person than they do. I am 100% comfortable with my decisions; where my life is at, who is in it and the road I am currently on. I don’t feel like I am demeaning myself, under valuing myself or doing anything that has to do with what I feel I deserve. I feel like I deserve what I WANT! Sometimes that works out and sometimes it doesn’t. I handle both as I see fit.
I have said a million times before, I won’t fucking settle. If I don’t want someone then I don’t. It isn’t because of financial, social or physical standards. If I can’t see myself with someone then that isn’t going to change and I wouldn’t want it to. I date who I am drawn to and that evolves. It’s changed over the last three years and it will continue to, I am sure. I don’t make choices based on stature. I make choices based on who interests me. What they do for a living or what their history is doesn’t change that. I will let something play out until something happens that inhibits my interest or sense of well-being.
I fucking love myself. That isn’t ego. I have one and it might be overinflated but my self-esteem is exactly where it needs to be. I believe that I deserve something that is good and makes me happy. I am happy. I am in a good place. I make decisions in the pursuit of obtaining things that will make me happier and finding someone who can enhance that. And if what I have tried doesn’t make sense to someone else I DON’T GIVE A FUCK. I am trying to find what I want for me and shit doesn’t all go wrong because I am intentionally choosing anyone who can’t give it to me. I am trying and if it doesn’t work out then I try something else.
But I really despise when someone tells me how I feel about myself or that I make the choices I do because I don’t understand my worth. I understand me. I make choices based on what I believe is BEST for me. I have been growing and making decisions that I believe are making me better version of myself. If you don’t see that or have a different take I don’t care. I can say confidently that I will get where I need to be because I take care of me first (and best). I wouldn’t have it any other way.
travellinginternationally
/ October 25, 2012This blog left me wondering did something happen that inspired this blog?
trjensen
/ October 26, 2012The post? Absolutely. I had a conversation that caused me to think long and hard about what I was projecting to the outside world. I realized that a recent assessment was not valid. I wanted to articulate what I felt and make it clear that each journey is individual and everything happens so that we might grow from our choices and exeriences.
lbenjen
/ October 26, 2012I wish I had a teaspoon of your confidence… I question everything; every decision I make, the motive behind every action and exactly who I am. I think I’ll bookmark this post and read it over and over. Maybe, I’ll gain some self esteem from your sheer force of will. I could use a bit.
loveinfairytaleland
/ October 26, 2012I just reposted a blog on my FB called “My Worth”, I think it relates to the way you feel about what you do deserve. https://loveinfairytaleland.wordpress.com/2011/01/23/my-worth/
smittenwithhim
/ October 26, 2012I really can’t stand it when people judge based on their own personal experiences. It’s so unfair to just assume that everyone got where they are the exact same way as everyone else.
http://smittenwithhim.wordpress.com/2012/09/11/choices/
trjensen
/ October 26, 2012Or that it isn’t the way they were supposed to get their. An individual experience teaches me what I need to learn and if you see a different lesson then that lesson is for you not me.
trjensen
/ October 26, 2012I just dislike when anyone tells me how I feel about myself.
smittenwithhim
/ October 26, 2012So true on both points…
trjensen
/ October 26, 2012I am glad you thinks so.
seattlepolychick
/ October 26, 2012Again.. I love your blog. Thank you for writing what you do. I’m a little less far along in my journey in some ways and I keep learning stuff from this blog and finding affirmations for other things I’m forming and building. Thanks so much for writing.
trjensen
/ October 26, 2012Thank you. I am in a work in progress but it helps me to share too.
Ava Elizabeth Wisdom
/ October 26, 2012Baby,
I fucking love you. Pardon my french…I have deemed myself, “The Cursing Christian.”
I totally think that you and I have a lot in common. I feel you, sister. We’re both single moms but that doesn’t define us.
What I sense is that you’ve become really comfortable in your own skin. Do you know how fucking long it takes to get to the place? Of course you do. It’s one step forward and one…or two steps back for me right now. I lost myself in a dude. But I am emerging.
You keep living your life unapologetically. You see, guilt and shame have kept me oppressed. That oppression has turned to full blown depression. But again, I’m emerging…
Sister, you keep doin’ you. I’m glad that you are simply not allowing anyone else to tell you who you are. You know who you are. And what I love about you is that you’re gentle and patient with yourself. This is catapulting you forward. I just know it.
You know, many years ago I started buying myself nice birthday and Christmas presents. I figured, “Why wait for someone else to bring me something?” I bet you buy yourself presents sometimes. As a matter of fact, I know you do….because I can tell that YOU know you deserve something lovely.
You inspire me biatch. And I like you so damn much. Thanks for writing this. I needed to read it. Keep being strong, “sista from another mista”.
ALL my love,
Ava
trjensen
/ October 26, 2012Thank you! And I do buy myself presents. LOL! I also try to buy one thibg I really want as gift to someone else just balance it out. I am glad you can relate and your words brought a smile to my face so thank you.
A Dog With Fleas
/ October 26, 2012You must have read my mind when you wrote this post because I had the same conversation with an ex-boyfriend last night. It infuriated me and I feel the same as you. We can only do things for ourselves that make us happy. Some work out in the end, and some done, but they are all life lessons. Thanks for perfectly articulating this. I recently had a post about this, but not as logically worded as yours.
trjensen
/ October 26, 2012I am glad you can relate. It really irks me.
Viciously Sweet
/ October 30, 2012This is exactly what I needed to read right now! I don’t like people thinking they know things about me by generalizing. Especially people who don’t get me at all, and just try to fit me into their perspective.
I get who I am, I think we all do. Sometimes we try and succeed, sometimes we fail. We don’t need people telling us how to be, this isn’t the 1700s.
trjensen
/ November 1, 2012It is so unusual and I am always blown away that people will tell me why I do something or that I don’t think I deserve something good.
bossymoksie
/ October 30, 2012Self love and confidance is always a good thing!
trjensen
/ November 1, 2012Yes ma’am!
trjensen
/ November 5, 2012Thanks for the share and I know I said it on your blog but that last paragraph is perfection!
smittenwithhim
/ November 7, 2012Thank you for the compliment!
trjensen
/ November 8, 2012You are most welcome.