The other day I was perusing my blog reader when I came across a set of statistics about online dating. I saw Pedobear in one of the many graphs and knew I had to get a better look. When I clicked on the link and looked at the information presented on the charts I had made up my mind that internet dating is probably not the way to go. The awkwardness of trying to get to know someone via internet messaging and the buffet of men [shudders] that were available to me after I changed my zip code on OKC didn’t help either but some of those stats even surprised me. So without further ado…
And I feel that I must point out that I have used tradtional and casual online dating sites (It is no secret sometimes I just want to get laid It was for research) and of the four guys I met in person from a “traditional” dating site every one was at least twenty pounds heavier then they were in the photos they had posted in their profile. So I would say guys lie about their weight just as much as their height.
I would really love to hear your thoughts on this because I know some of my readers use online dating services.
Cakes McCain
/ October 22, 2012People do lie, or ‘stretch the truth.’ They would like to belive that when the meeting takes place that those little tweaks they did on their age, body size, and job/income aren’t going to matter, and sometimes they don’t. I had dates with guys 30lbs heavier and others with missing teeth. My last bf (of 10 months) I met on eharmony – a site you would think is for the more serious, relationship seeking individuals. He lied regarding his job which he posted as ‘property developer.’ In my opinion working as a construction worker (when your real job is a teacher), and buying your dead grandmother’s house to renovate it – does not make you a property developer in the true sense. And maturity is not mocking someone like a 5 year-old after an arguement that stems from eating the last banana.
All that aside, I would love to meet men in the ‘traditional way,’ see if there is some attraction, get to know them a little and go from there – but how and where? Meeting men at the workplace is rather dangerous (if you like your job) and the thought of speed dating makes me cringe. But If most of your friends are married with kids, or you barely see your single friends – what are your options? I find that nobody will just approach anyone in public anymore to be friendly – and if they do we could think they they’ve got some grand agenda or are up to something. I feel like I can’t win.
trjensen
/ October 22, 2012It is true meeting people the old fashioned way is difficult. At my last job I got approached a lot by the public, men in particular but damn if it didn’t annoy me. I was sad and didn’t want to deal with them. I don’t know either. But knowing, knowing! that most of these dudes are having unprotected sex with women they don’t know the first time they meet is scary shit. I use protection regardless of how well I know someone. I stopped using one with GwtS because I was sure he wasn’t fucking anyone else (and I was wrong). And he wasn’t always using condoms with them either and I dated him for a year. Use a fucking condom! If thats the deal breaker then so be it. Enjoy your blue balls asshole.
The sex offender thing freaks me out too. It reminds me of this message Snarky Snatch got on OKC.
But to answer your question about meeting people the traditional way… Public events are nice. Smile a lot and be friendly. Guys will step up. But I am where you are. No one to introduce me to people, dudes that want to approach me at bad times or folks fixing me up with men that are… um… no. I am not saying online dating can’t work but it seems that women come away from that feeling more disenamoured with dating. When I was really trying it felt like I was conducing interviews and that isn’t fun.
Shit if I know how to fix the problem but online dating is just too awkward and too sketchy for me. And I met the European via online dating.
Cakes McCain
/ October 22, 2012One guy I was in contact with for 3 weeks just signed his email Love, ___. How’s that for uncomfortable. He’s gone all but MIA because I figure he didn’t get the response he wanted. You can’t win.
trjensen
/ October 22, 2012What the fuck are you supposed to say to that? Thanks Crazy Pants! But I know guys who love it when women say crazy shit like that.
Cakes McCain
/ October 24, 2012LOVE is too significant a word to be used so loosely. It’s too weird. Now because I didn’t respond in the way he wanted he is giving me like a quasi-blow off. whatever dude.
lizajack25
/ October 22, 2012I have given up on online dating. My details are registered with Match but I do not use it. I think in some ways the traditional dating sites are worse than the hook up sites. At least on there everyone knows what is on the table: sex. I think that many men use Match.com as a way to make themselves seem appealing to women but they use it as a cover – they also want easy sex. Of course there are exceptions but you have to trawl a lot of diseased fish to find the caviar.
I still get offers of sex from men I connected with online (I’ve turned them down mostly this year) and, as you saw from my Berber tribesman post, I had an offer of sex IRL from a man I had met an hour before. I turned him down.
In contrast, I got to know ‘Charlie’ over one year and only now have we shared a brief snog. I don’t think it will go anywhere tbh but at least I’ve been able to look at this guy, his faults and his positive attributes, and make a move when it felt safe to do so – and not go too far and ‘give it away’.
Like you, if I want sex I know where to find it. Mostly, I don’t want to find a quick bunk up. The chances of finding a real lasting relationship either on hook up or trad sites are low.
You do hear all the time of people who met online but often these relationships fail or fizzle out or they move too fast or women accept men that are beneath them, (and vice-versa) as reflected in the figures for speed of marriage listed here.
A friend did meet his fiancee online but he was 24 and lucky. They got to know each other over time, meeting each other’s folks etc, gaining approval from both sides, and moved into together after over a year together.
trjensen
/ October 22, 2012I guess thge one difference for me in all of that is that regardless of the nature of my encounter I don’t feel like I am giving anything away ever. I can date a man, sleep with him and keep “it.” for myself. The only acception in that past few years (since I’ve been dating again) where I thought I completely gave something to someone was GwtS and that shit isn’t going to happen again. I feel like the second you feel like you are giving any aspect of you away, you atart losing yourself. I guess it is just about thinking about it differently.
But you have to be open to an experience and you are doing that. I have found that going into a situation with an open mind and not deciding what something is going to be right away is a better way to date. Of course the screening process has become more strict but I try not to decide whether this guy would be fun for a while or could be goofd forever until I feel something.
lizajack25
/ October 22, 2012Reblogged this on thehuntformrrightnow and commented:
Check out this chart about online dating. An eye-opener. Also check out my comment below the post.
stilllearning2b
/ October 22, 2012I did Match for three months and loved it. Yes, some men lied. That hapens offline as well (see my (now ex) husband of 10 years). I looked at it as a series of lessons – the dates were not “good” or “bad” but I could learn something from every encounter. I ended up meeting my boyfriend (2 1/2 years and counting) on Match. And, no we did not have sex on the first date (in fact, I turned my cheek when he tried to kiss me on date #2!), he is not a sex offender, and we have already waited longer than the average 18 months to marry. I think online dating (done right) can actually be “safer,” because you’re less likely to be complacent than with someone that you meet through friend or common hangout where you feel like you know them well before you actually do. My stepbrother, who met his wife on Match, gave me the best advice – meet for coffee early after just enough email/message/phone contact to establish interest. In this way, you get a real (offline) sense for them quickly and you don’t feel bad about walking away if it’s not a match.
trjensen
/ October 22, 2012That is good but I don’t think that is the typical online dating experience. I need something tangible from the get go. I am way too judgemental online and weeding through 999 definite nos to find a maybe is disheartening to me.
There are jerks regardless of how you meet. All you can do is be honest and not have your wedding planned after the first month of dating. I am not saying it can’t work but I just need to feel something (a twinge of interest) before I act and I have never got that from online dating. It takes to long and by the time I meet a dude he has already said shit that bothers me. I carry that into the first meeting.
And just because you didn’t have sex with a guy on the first second or tenth date doesn’t mean the five chicks he met offline before you didn’t and four of those girls saw no reason to use protection. I am a stickler for protection and I am often turned off by a dude who can take it or leave it. To me that shows little value in your own sense of well being.
That whole chart just made mne cringe. I am really happy that is has worked out for you and your brother though. Honestly that is great but in this case… I don’t think you are the rule.
gilbertloretta
/ October 22, 2012I have blogged about my dates on rettasrants… and they are 90% from online dating. In fact, my next blog (I just haven’t had time to tweak it before posting it) is about my (poor) experience of online dating. As for sex, if I want a freak buddy, they’ll just have to get in line. I have an endless supply of boys who want to be my toy, but I have very little exposure to quality men that I would like to have a relationship with. My use of online dating was to find someone I would like to develop a relationship with. So far, that has not happened. Making me think perhaps the ex wasn’t so bad- scratch that, yes he was. I’ve removed my profile from Match and POF and I’m searching the old fashioned way. ALSO, there is a new software on Facebook that lets you search your friends friend for “single” people. Awesome idea, I used it…. found one person I was interested in and we are going on a date this week.
Otherwise, I must agree with many of the statistics. Online dating….I’m not a fan.
So… how else do you meet someone?
trjensen
/ October 22, 2012People met and fell in love before the internet. I worked at a public event in the rural community I now reside in and I got approached, on average… five to ten times each day I was there, by men just by being friendly. I am not in place where I want to date but it still happened. I also have no shortage of men who want to be my fuck buddy and turned to online dating hoping to find something different. What I found is if you know a guy or meet him in person it is far easier to determine what he is looking for.
daterofboys
/ October 22, 2012I only had one bad experience, and it was on Evow (pof’s more serious sister site). He said he was 40, had nice photos, but in reality, he looked (and acted) about 60. He was the ONLY one I met, and I quickly took my profile down, after.
The rest all matched what I saw on the other sites. Hopefully no pedos in my roster…that logo scares the shit out of me…
trjensen
/ October 22, 2012It scares me too. That and the no protection thing. I don’t want to be having sex with twenty fucking people every time I have sex with one.
daterofboys
/ October 22, 2012Indeed (I’m already in the 1/5 category – the last time I didn’t was with the rockstar I dated…like an idiot).
trjensen
/ October 22, 2012I am too. And have had sex with a guy on the first date but not unless that was the plan from the get go. If I just want to scratch an itch then I really don’t care what someone thinks about me but I have never ever done it without a condom. That is fucking reckless. I like my body thank you and I don’t care how horny or drunk I am. You are wrapping your shit up. I am not worried about spreading disease… I don’t want a disease to spread.
luvnlr
/ October 22, 2012I kind of like online dating, it mixes up the ho-hum of ordinary life and hey if I find ‘the one’ yay for me!!!
trjensen
/ October 22, 2012Online dating for the sake of my craft is fine. I’ve done it but it just doesn’t work for me and those statistics make it wholly unappealing. But if you can stay opptomistic and make it work for you then that is great. Good luck!
The Reemachronicles
/ October 22, 2012Online dating can be a success if you use it as JUST another source of meeting someone. It shouldn’t be the only thing you are doing. Mixing that in with traditional dating will work just fine. You’ve read my post on this already but I just wanted to say this anyway haha
trjensen
/ October 22, 2012I have but I still don’t trust it.
theaupairofsociety
/ October 22, 2012To me, your profile has to be real because I can’t date someone that doesn’t exist but most importantly you have to be able to put a sentence together!!! The best email I got was “you be beautiful lol, I said to mahself, she look like she be on TV or sumtin lol” true story
trjensen
/ October 22, 2012See and that would make me crazy!!!! Online dating affords me the opportunity to be hyperjudgemental without fear of being chastised for it.
Pink Ninjabi
/ October 22, 2012Definitely guys do not look anything like their photos. Sad, that we can’t be ourselves. Or the ones who do, often have more emo issues than me on my period
It’s definitely difficult. In general, it’s a challenge. I’m guessin we’re suppose to just wait around for someone to land in our lap? Hopefully, not literally 
trjensen
/ October 23, 2012I think that is another reason I encounter issues. I am honest even then. One guy I went out with told me he was shocked that I was as thin as I was in my photos because most women are much larger and older than their photos. He also saif they often us the Facebook angle in their photos to make them look thinner. If you aren’t happy with who you are and how you look then how will anyone else?
I am pretty good at marketing myself anyway but I always try to be honest.
Pink Ninjabi
/ October 24, 2012You’re amazing
So amazing.. love learning so much from you! You’re so brave… thank you for the reminder… 
trjensen
/ October 24, 2012Thank you! I apprectiate your support.
bossymoksie
/ October 24, 2012I don’t online dating, it’s just not right. If I were to use it, it would just to get into dating mode. I tell all my friends to think of it that way. And I have a friend that goes out on online dates all the time, but the guys never want a second date and I think it’s because she doesn’t sleep with them on the 1st date and they were looking to hook up basically.
The most interesting thing to me on that chart was that the porn industry is losing money. So men want the real thing instead of the fantasy.
trjensen
/ October 24, 2012I found that interesting too. I think it also has to do with the fact that you really don’t have to pay for porn anymore. There are so many free sites unless you have some really odd proclivities you can find something without paying for it.