…but I am not in love with you is quite possibly the worst thing you can say to someone. (Okay, I have {insert std here] is probably worse.) That response is total bullshit. I have never said that to anyone because it is a fucking lie.
People say that to someone who has feelings for them in the hopes that the jilted party won’t burst into tears in front of them. They also say it because in some way (typically they still want to fuck you) you are still useful to them and they want you to continue to be helpful. Hearing that (and I can only remember having two people ever say it to me and neither was in the same room with me) doesn’t make want to cry. It makes want to do someone physical bodily harm. Using any cliché breakup line on someone you know has feelings for you, makes you a wuss.
If someone has feeling for you and you don’t feel the same way then you should be honest and let that person know so they don’t waste any more emotional energy on you. Not returning someone’s feelings doesn’t make you a bad person but not having the decency to own up to it makes you an asshole. Have enough respect for the people who choose to spend their time with you to be honest.
What is the worst “comforting” break up line someone has used on you?
A Single Parent's Life
/ October 15, 2012Few things he said to me stuck out. I think he was trying to make himself feel better and not like the duchebag he is. First he said I don’t hate you and I don’t want too so it is just best if we end it now. Then at some other point he said I use to want to marry you but I don’t anymore. So it’s just not going to work out.
trjensen
/ October 16, 2012And those are both awful, passive aggressive things to say. I think those might both be worse than the example I cited.
A Single Parent's Life
/ October 16, 2012He said I use to want to marry you but I don’t now. I said thats fine I never wanted to marry you. I didn’t I don’t ever want to get married again. But I would stay with someone from now on. I don’t need a paper to say we are together. we know we are. all it does if make things more complected if they turn into duchebags. But I never told him I wanted to get married I told him from day one that I didn’t plan to again. he was going to change my mind. yeah right
trjensen
/ October 16, 2012I hate the shit. It is like, who have you been dating this entire time? You have no idea what I want.
kinghenry2007
/ October 16, 2012wow, #i am hiding in shame#, i didnt use the same words but the connotation is the same,i suppose people come up with these ridiculous break-up lines because they will probably be trying to avoid the severity of the blow.I agree now that not owning up does make one an asshole, i can only undertstand it now in retrospect.
Well to answer ur qsn, the worst comforting break-up line a woman used on me was none, she simply left, no goodbye…
Kay BeeBee
/ October 16, 2012I hate the silence … There is no closure … I usually send a closing text or email of my own … The sort of one I would like to have been sent! Thankyou, it was nice, goodbye! I rise above the shite treatment that way, feel happy with myself, and close off emotionally x
trjensen
/ October 16, 2012I think that, “This isn’t working.” is enough. Then I think you have to be done. Even if it isn’t what you wanted you have to get to the point you can be done.
trjensen
/ October 16, 2012Sometimes I think walking out is the best thing to do. No chance to ask why (which is completely counterproductive). No lashing out which hurts you way more than it hurts the recipient. Yeah, I think a clean break is the best way. But the alternative is the reason I write and I find inspiration in it. It is double edged sword.
Abbygirl
/ October 16, 2012In the same conversation the lines I remember being the most “I want to just punch him” inspiring were “I think it is important that you remember this isn’t about you” and “I still want to be friends with you, if you think you can handle that”. Soooooo condescending!! If I can handle being friends? What about the possibility that I can perfectly handle being friends, I just don’t want to?
Great blog!
trjensen
/ October 16, 2012Thanks. I dislike when men say they want to be friends. Why would I want to be friends with someone who has no regard for my feelings? If we aren’t together then, to me, that means in any capacity. If having someone in my life is source of pain or anxiety then why would I draw out the hurt? I’m not perfect and it’s happened but I try to keep my masochism to a minimum.
Loz
/ October 16, 2012Great post and so true! The worst for me was “I really love you deeply, and I’m kind of in love with you, but there’s something missing for me”. Ripped my heart out in a second, and I let her. It takes real courage and integrity to be honest and direct with someone but it’s without question the best way to go. I think it’s so much more respectful to be honest than to feed someone some bullshit line that will have them feeling terrible anyway. You know when someone is lying and that makes it more painful.
trjensen
/ October 16, 2012It does hurt more because you tend to dwell on it. I guess it is just best to understand that’s a cop out and walk away.
Cakes McCain
/ October 16, 2012Gotta love the lines! The losers I date usually go all MIA hoping I’ll forget they exist. Nowadays I do.
But gotta love the tag: “but we can still be friends” (Um, no we can’t because you’re an asshole)
One bf said: “you know I love you babe, but it’s not like I wanna marry you.” Jerk. I don’t know why it took me so long to dump his sorry ass after that comment. Live and learn baby. xo
trjensen
/ October 16, 2012It is so funny. A comedian (Bill Bellamy I think) said something to the effect of… Men will do or say anything so he doesn’t have to see a woman cry. That is true. I don’t cry in front of anyone much but everytime I have cried in front a man they want to solve the problem and stop my crying ASAP. And most of the time I’m not crying because of him.
They will say and do crazy shit to avoid being uncomfortable. They hate and want to avoid it so they say really stupid shit, thinking they are appeasing us.
Cakes McCain
/ October 16, 2012Yeah I know! But have you ever been with a guy that ever cried in front of you? WHOA! I mean talk about uncomfortable. I don’t know about you Teri, but man that freaks me out!
trjensen
/ October 16, 2012The guy I dated seriously before GwtS. This was two years ago, came into my house and cried in front of me. He said, “Do you know how bad you are making me feel. (He fucked my neighbor.) I can’t sleep and I am so stressed out.” I told him he didn’t get to cry and try to make me feel bad. He fucked up and I felt guilty about being upset until then. I never spoke to him again.
When men cry I typically lose it because it is always the ones I can’t imagine crying. If a dude cries and I feel like it was something I did, I normally shut off. I want to be away from them. I typically can’t be around them after that either.
Cakes McCain
/ October 17, 2012I hear that.
What a mind f’ck.
trjensen
/ October 17, 2012I legitimately thought this shit would be easy. It is obviously more productive for me that it isn’t but FUCK!
Cakes McCain
/ October 17, 2012WTF… You’re more together than most chicks. It’s all THEM. On the flipside all this great writing is coming out of it. xo
trjensen
/ October 17, 2012I know I have a handle on me but I really thought it would be easy(ier)
Kay BeeBee
/ October 16, 2012He said you are are a strong Amazonian woman and will go on to some amazing things!!
x
trjensen
/ October 16, 2012LOL! I was called Amazonian once and I didn’t take it as a compliment. It wasn’t in the context of a breakup but it was definitely backhanded.
Kay BeeBee
/ November 20, 2012oooh see I LOVED being called an Amazonian because it is something I have alway secretly called myself … I felt he took it out of my head and knew me beautifully … shame it was the break up message though x
trjensen
/ November 26, 2012I didn’t like it all.
SillyG
/ October 16, 2012God, I don’t have any nice break up lines to share. Seems my past douchbags break up by text and spare me the bs lines…
nancyelizabethlauzon
/ October 16, 2012You’re so right, everyone deserves respect and honesty during a breakup. The other thing (I think) everyone deserves is a face to face breakup. Breaking up with somebody by text or email makes you a FUCKING COWARD. Sorry, this is obviously a sore spot with me. Your posts sometimes turn me into a mad woman, LOL!
trjensen
/ October 16, 2012I hate when I hear anyone say that. It is such shit because if I love you and you love me… WTF is that?
James Stafford
/ October 16, 2012“I have tender feelings for everyone in the world except you.” Not sure whether that was supposed to make me feel like one in seven billion or what.
trjensen
/ October 16, 2012How could you take that? It certainly isn’t flattering. The shit people say…
A Dog With Fleas
/ October 16, 2012This post hits so close to home. The last one just left and did not have the nerve to say anything. Which in my book makes him the biggest douchebag. The other memorable one that stands out is “I don’t want to be with anyone else. Why did you have to ruin everything” as he walked out the door to his new gf. Guess you just live and learn.
trjensen
/ October 16, 2012I’ve heard the I don’t want a relationship thing, only to have them go jump into one. I train men to be good partners for someone else. I really do and I hate it. I am doing a better job of not giving more than is deserved now.
Lorna's Voice
/ October 16, 2012Yeah. Heard that one too many times from my ex-husband.
trjensen
/ October 16, 2012That really makes me about as crazy as being told to calm down. Funny side story… GWTS used to tell me to calm down and I told him I hated it when he said it so started telling me to simmer down instead. It’s the same fucking thing dummy.
nicoyagirl77
/ October 16, 2012love it!! you got it so right!! Im totally rebloging it!!
trjensen
/ October 16, 2012Thank you!
benzeknees
/ October 16, 2012My favorite – it’s not you, it’s me.
trjensen
/ October 16, 2012Which is true… “It’s not you! It’s me. I don’t like you anymore!” – Emma Stone Friends with Benefits
When I heard that, I was like “Holy shit! That one is actually true.”
nicoyagirl77
/ October 16, 2012Reblogged this on Dating According to Gizel.
The Reemachronicles
/ October 16, 2012Some girl used this on me before. It really confused the shit out of me. I didn’t get what she meant. Eventually I put two and two together.
trjensen
/ October 16, 2012Reema I’ve missed you. I’ve needed you to shame me into ignoring douche-y men with youyr rational thought (seriously). I’m glad you still read my stuff. That line contradicts itself. It is such a dumb thing to say. I am sure you could also come up with some great lines though.
The Reemachronicles
/ October 17, 2012Of course I still read your stuff. It seems like you’ve been more receptive to the game so I haven’t had to do that. My tough love is still here. When needed, I will still you use it. Glad you appreciate it.
trjensen
/ October 17, 2012Thanks sir! I am glad you feel like I am on the right path.
The Wandering Mind
/ October 22, 2012Me: “I love you (insert name).”
Awkward silence…
Her: “You’re so sweet, I haven’t met anyone like you… You know I love you, right buddy?”
Me: “Please stop using that word.”
trjensen
/ October 22, 2012If somebody said I love you body to me after I said I loved them I’d tell them to get fucked just about as fast as that bullshit I was ranting about. This also reminds me of a story you told me about a friend of yours. LOL! I rather have someone just say thank you. I have.