The “friend zone,” the wasteland of unfulfilled, unrequited feelings and desire, the most dreaded place in the entire spectrum of relationships, is probably the worst place you can put a man that just wants a chance with you. The “friend zone’ is as dreaded to men as a woman being told “I love you but I am not in love with you.” In short, both scenarios are never going to be what you want. How much time you waste pining over someone who doesn’t want to be with you is your decision.
Women often do value the men whose desire for a relationship, they don’t reciprocate. Sure she’ll let you take then to dinner. She’ll sit with you for hours discussing books, movies and your shared interests, of which I am certain you’ll have quite a few. She’ll thank you for the myriad of compliments you give her. She’ll tell you things like she wishes she could find a man who treated her as well as you do. If you possess every trait she desire in a mate then why the hell aren’t you dating?
The truth is simple, although many women won’t own up to it… you are in the friend zone because that woman who says you are everything she wants in a man has absolutely no desire to be intimate with you. She’ll play coy or plead ignorance when it comes to acknowledging your feelings for her. If you press the issue, she’ll tell you she values your friendship too much to jeopardize it, by being intimate.
Women don’t want to be in relationships with anyone she doesn’t want to be intimate with. She has already decided she doesn’t want to have sex with you and no amount of praise, support or money spent is going to change that. She said she wants someone “like” you, meaning she wants someone she is attracted to and wants a relationship with, who tries as hard as the guy who doesn’t stand a chance.
If she can’t picture or doesn’t want to picture being intimate with you, the chances that you can do anything to change her mind are about 1 in a million. It doesn’t matter what you buy her or how much you have in common; she doesn’t want to be with you. You are her filler boyfriend. But honestly, you shouldn’t be pissed at her. You should be kicking yourself in the ass for spending too much time on someone who, by her own admission, wants someone who treats her as well as you do, that isn’t you.
So to put in terms that most men understand, if a girl you have told you don’t want a relationship with, keeps sleeping with you, she really has no right to get angry because she twisted up what was happening in her head. You told her how you felt and she still slept with you, right? With women, it isn’t sex; the lack of desire is actually at the root of the issue. If a woman tells you, that you are just her friend and you still take her out, spend quality time with her and spend money on her, she is probably going to let you. Sex without fear of emotional stress is nice. Having man who wants to do things with us and shower us with compliments just because he “enjoys our company” is very nice too. You are her filler boyfriend.
If a woman tells you you are friends or that she wishes she can find someone like you, that means she doesn’t feel the same way you do. That’ll change just about the same time as your best friend proposes to his booty call.
Do things for yourself. If spending time with someone is enough for you then do it but be honest with yourself about what is happening. If you have been put in the friend zone by someone you really care about and you don’t want to be disappointed, take yourself out of the her friend zone. Find some who wants you not some like you.
whatdrivestheweak
/ October 10, 2012Stories of our lives..
trjensen
/ October 10, 2012Fact!!!!
The Writers Village
/ October 10, 2012So both of these posts are about the important lessons of
“to thine own self be true”
See relationships for what they are and not what we wish them to be.
La La
/ October 10, 2012I second that!
trjensen
/ October 10, 2012Gracias también
trjensen
/ October 10, 2012You can’t be with someone and have completely different definitions of what your situation is, end of story.
Tiffany N. York
/ October 10, 2012Unfortunately, the guys who would make great husbands I don’t want to sleep with, and the guys I want to sleep with would make lousy husbands. Which is why I guess I’ve never been married in my 44 yrs.
I’ve always been in awe of people who say they were friends for years before falling in love. What’s up with that?
trjensen
/ October 10, 2012What’s up with that is that they always wanted to sleep with each other but circumstance or someone more appealing stood in the way. When the opportunity presented its self they found out what they’d been missing.
kinghenry2007
/ October 11, 2012well said indeed, lol..story of our lives.
trjensen
/ October 11, 2012I know. We are our own worst enemies.
Can I Get ur Number??
/ October 10, 2012well said
trjensen
/ October 10, 2012Danke!
tkms1989
/ October 10, 2012I absolutely LOVED this post. Definitely gives guys insight onto how we as women operate, for those that are still searching for how to deal! The line about when a guy lets a girl know he doesn’t want a relationship but the girl still sleeps with him is the PERFECT analogy! Great job on this post!
trjensen
/ October 10, 2012Thank you so much. Women and men aren’t so different in when it comes to dating and relationships but the emphasis we put on certain aspects of those relationships are like day and night.
bossymoksie
/ October 10, 2012Filler boyfriend…so true.
Love this line:
“…by her own admission, wants someone who treats her as well as you do, that isn’t you.”
Ouch, but true.
Viciously Sweet
/ October 10, 2012I wish there was a like button on this comment… I concur with everything you said!
trjensen
/ October 10, 2012I know but I know guys who are in these situations for years. It’s creepy.
Viciously Sweet
/ October 10, 2012This post made me laugh and totally agree with it. I have some friends that are so far into the friendzone I see them almost like they are furniture in my house. So cruel but so, so true.
trjensen
/ October 10, 2012It is really no worse than a guy continuing to sleep with a girl he knows has feelings for him that he doesn’t reciprocate. And I think our logic is similar, if I told you I don’t want a relationship and you still want to do shit for me then I am going to accept, assuming that you are doing it because I am an awesome friend.
kinghenry2007
/ October 11, 2012i mean, who in the world wouldn’t want someone doing all the stuff for them, doing your laundry, avaialable to spend time with you on -demand et al, while i am having my eye on someone else lol, its crude really but that’s just how the boerwors bends lol
trjensen
/ October 11, 2012I am always upfront about how I feel about someone and if you continue to hangout, I assume you are comfortable with the role you’ve been assigned.
kinghenry2007
/ October 16, 2012being upfront is the only way to minimise the hurt, even tho at times it’s easier said than done
trjensen
/ October 16, 2012Just rip the band-aid off. I am great at leaving someone and terrible at being left. If I feel like something isn’t working I say so and I go. I won’t explain. I don’t talk about it. I want to be done and not hurt anyone anymore than I have to.
A Dog With Fleas
/ October 10, 2012Such a great post. And I had an ex-boyfriend who was so jealous of a guy I was friends with for years. He didn’t understand that he was my friend, I was not attracted to him, did not want to sleep with him, yet loved spending time with him. That is why I had a boyfriend….because I wasn’t attracted to the man who was in my “Friend Zone.”
Your words are so true and speaks exactly to the point!!
trjensen
/ October 11, 2012It is funny that the men you date would be threatened by someone you have known forever and clearly have no desire to date. I love filler boyfriends. If you have a function or some work thing you think your boyfriend might not like or be comfortable at I prefer to go with a guy friend. Some of them know more about me than my boyfriends. I just can’t imagine sleeping with them. And many of my guy friends are hot. I just couldn’t sleep with them for some reason or another.
nancyelizabethlauzon
/ October 12, 2012Well said, and so true …
trjensen
/ October 13, 2012Thanks lovely!
renxkyoko
/ October 14, 2012So true. It makes a lot of sense. If a guy has been friendzoned, he can still be great friends, but don;t buy her anything more expensive than a meal at McDonalds…. that’s even a lot. lol
trjensen
/ October 14, 2012If a dude is doing it because he thinks it is going to make you feel different then it is still too much. I just can’t stress enough that if you get put in the friend zone you are staying there. I know you want me and I don’t want you. That being said… I love when men just want to spend money on or time with me. It helps boost my ego.
renxkyoko
/ October 14, 2012I know, right? Some men are just the traditional gentlemen type who don’t want women to pay when they’re with them. There are guys like that. Unless they straightforwardly tell them they’re broke, lol, then it’s Dutch, treat , sorry, ha ha
trjensen
/ October 14, 2012I will let a guy friend buy me dinner. But I try to pay for dinner too. It normally goes that way until things get weird.
The Reemachronicles
/ October 16, 2012A lot of good game in this post. I’m so over this friend zone shit. I really think the friend zone doesn’t exist. I think it was made up by women who hang around a bunch of dudes that want to bang them. This is why I tell guys to stay away from women who claim to have a lot of guy “friends”. Now for the guys still believing this friend zone thing, you deserve everything that’s happening to you. The game is about cooperation. Not trying to convince women to like you. Upgrade your game and have some real confidence so women wont step to you on some play brother shit. Women stop hanging around a bunch of guys that want to bang you. That shit is getting played out. Go find a real boyfriend or put some dude in the trick bag and get yourself some money.