I must look really cute when I am sad. I had temporary job that ended yesterday and for the better part of the last four days I was floating around the area’s most popular fair greeting guests, helping where needed and shutting dudes down (what seemed like) every five minutes.
I just (about three weeks ago) was actually talking about cohabitating with GwtS. He came down in July and when he left, he text me every day for weeks, “I miss you.” “I can’t wait to see you again.” We talked about living together. I even helped him line up a job down here. Then he sent me message on Facebook (yes really!) and told me that he met someone. He said he still wanted come visit and that he still missed me.
I know I have been here before with this same guy for the same reason so I’ll spare you the poor me bullshit (But I did really think he wanted to be with me.) Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me; fool me over and over again and eventually I will realize I am getting played (and a big, fat idiot.)
So anyway, I am trying to just move past everything. I don’t regret trusting him because he was in my life for a reason and I am still really thinking about what I need to do differently aside from not letting my entire family fall in love with someone I love only to be disrespected by that person. Explaining that to my parents and trying not to flat out vilify someone is nearly impossible.
I have accepted that he doesn’t and never really did care about or respect me. But with that acceptance comes a lot of pain and anger. I am still processing everything so dating is the last thing on my mind. I wish I could stop loving someone just because I saw new genitalia but I can’t. I still have a lot of feelings floating around in this tiny little heart of mine and until they are gone the last thing I want is some new dude adding to my already confused emotional state.
For several weeks I worked at the fairgrounds preparing for and setting up various aspects of the fair. Then when the fair started I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off helping wherever I was needed. Even though I tried to stay busy my mind did wander. GwtS was supposed to be back for the fair. We were supposed to be enjoying it together. When I thought about it I would get sad and angry.
The last thing I wanted when I was hurting was for some dude to pull out his “A” game and try to flirt with me but it seemed like every time I stopped for more than a minute someone approached me. I would try to be polite but I was more annoyed that they couldn’t see I didn’t want to be hit on. I always appreciate when someone pays me a compliment or tells me I am attractive but right now I kinda’ hate guys. I guess I must look really cute when I am sad but right now I don’t want the attention. (Bet that is something you never thought you’d hear come out of my mouth.)
*But on the upside some of the guys down here are much hotter than I remember them being.