I must look really cute when I am sad. I had temporary job that ended yesterday and for the better part of the last four days I was floating around the area’s most popular fair greeting guests, helping where needed and shutting dudes down (what seemed like) every five minutes.
I just (about three weeks ago) was actually talking about cohabitating with GwtS. He came down in July and when he left, he text me every day for weeks, “I miss you.” “I can’t wait to see you again.” We talked about living together. I even helped him line up a job down here. Then he sent me message on Facebook (yes really!) and told me that he met someone. He said he still wanted come visit and that he still missed me.
I know I have been here before with this same guy for the same reason so I’ll spare you the poor me bullshit (But I did really think he wanted to be with me.) Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me; fool me over and over again and eventually I will realize I am getting played (and a big, fat idiot.)
So anyway, I am trying to just move past everything. I don’t regret trusting him because he was in my life for a reason and I am still really thinking about what I need to do differently aside from not letting my entire family fall in love with someone I love only to be disrespected by that person. Explaining that to my parents and trying not to flat out vilify someone is nearly impossible.
I have accepted that he doesn’t and never really did care about or respect me. But with that acceptance comes a lot of pain and anger. I am still processing everything so dating is the last thing on my mind. I wish I could stop loving someone just because I saw new genitalia but I can’t. I still have a lot of feelings floating around in this tiny little heart of mine and until they are gone the last thing I want is some new dude adding to my already confused emotional state.
For several weeks I worked at the fairgrounds preparing for and setting up various aspects of the fair. Then when the fair started I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off helping wherever I was needed. Even though I tried to stay busy my mind did wander. GwtS was supposed to be back for the fair. We were supposed to be enjoying it together. When I thought about it I would get sad and angry.
The last thing I wanted when I was hurting was for some dude to pull out his “A” game and try to flirt with me but it seemed like every time I stopped for more than a minute someone approached me. I would try to be polite but I was more annoyed that they couldn’t see I didn’t want to be hit on. I always appreciate when someone pays me a compliment or tells me I am attractive but right now I kinda’ hate guys. I guess I must look really cute when I am sad but right now I don’t want the attention. (Bet that is something you never thought you’d hear come out of my mouth.)
*But on the upside some of the guys down here are much hotter than I remember them being.
Cakes McCain
/ September 11, 2012I’m so sorry. It’s not hard to get duped by a smooth gamer (and here you call YOURSELF the narcissist!)
You’ll be back baby, and even more f’cking fab! xoxo
trjensen
/ September 11, 2012So here is the narcissism… He has really… um… interesting taste in women. I look at some of these girls and it is really insulting.
Cakes McCain
/ September 12, 2012Well then add me to the N file too because I check that shit on FB. So far I’ve found… an emaciated salad-eater, a sea monkey, and a muffin-top in spandex. It’s THEM (the men) not us!
trjensen
/ September 12, 2012I need to not give a shit. It is really just another reason I shouldn’t be with him. If he wants a rat-faced girl who hangs all over his friends (licking and groping them) and posts photos of it on his wall, then I am clearly not slutty enough for him.
Cakes McCain
/ September 12, 2012How lame! wtf is up with them?
I just got rejected by a dude I never met… cause I’m not all that big on individuals that take a loaded rifle out in the woods and blow defenseless animals away and drag the bloody dead carcasses home to hack up. I guess i am just too sensitive huh? unreal.
Jen and Tonic
/ September 11, 2012Were the guys hitting on you worth of your attention? Sometimes I find that there are slick guys who find sad girls and try to prey on them. KUDOS for being smarter than that!
trjensen
/ September 11, 2012Maybe they were… I think I was doing a pretty good job of putting on my happy face though. I think some genuinely just wanted to introduce themselves. I am typically predator and not prey. LOL!
Jen and Tonic
/ September 11, 2012HAHA! You let those defenses down for one second and the men can’t help themselves
Viciously Sweet
/ September 11, 2012That is the worst! I hope you find joy and happiness, and unskeezy men! I had somebody do a similar thing to me lately, I haven’t been feeling like the brightest star in the sky either. Just everyday try to be happy and hopefully soon you will be!
trjensen
/ September 12, 2012We are both awesome! We need to spend time with men who realize it.
More Than A Blonde
/ September 11, 2012Keep smiling honey
you are stronger than you realize. And it doesn’t matter who else he chooses your self worth is NOT determined by him or any other. (((Hugs)))
trjensen
/ September 12, 2012Thanks doll! I feel like I am grinning like an idiot but it does make it easier most of the time.
Pink Ninjabi
/ September 11, 2012Awww, girlie girl, you’re my fave, and one of these days, these guys will get some common sense knocked into them for them to realize they should be doing the same. Making you just as high of a priority as you have for them. You’re so incredible acknowledging your feelings, you go girl!
Pink.
trjensen
/ September 12, 2012I am over it. I am a little embarassed it took a year but I let him stay for a reason. Everything is a lesson.
Pink Ninjabi
/ September 13, 2012You’re incredible. No embarrassments at how gracefully you handle all that comes your way. It’s just heavier lifting, making you stronger, you know?
Pink.
SillyG
/ September 11, 2012Sorry Teri.
But sounds like your the talk of the town! Capitalize on it
abbynflicker
/ September 12, 2012Damn that’s horrible, I know how you feel… bastard…. I keep saying I won’t bring my family along on the next wild relationship ride but I can never stick to it… Also I get the weird cute when you’re sad thing. I once stood outside a hospital ER smoking and crying while I waited for the doctors to tell me what was wrong with my husband and two guys walking past tried to hit on me.
trjensen
/ September 12, 2012I think Jen has a point about the mean preying on emotionally distressed women too.
nancyelizabethlauzon
/ September 12, 2012Teri, I just wanna cut this guy’s balls off. There, I said it. Yes, I’m in angry mother mode, and when I get like this there’s no stopping me. Please take comfort in the fact that there’s nothing wrong with you. People who are honest in relationships and who have big hearts often get played by people who have major problems, and this guy obviously has major problems. He’s needy. He needs to be needed and stroked and loved by more than one woman. It’s probably impossible for him to be faithful. Next time — if there is a next time — he tries to get in touch with you, tell him to FUCK OFF. If not for yourself, do it for me. And then block him from your phone and from every social networking site there is. Hope you don’t mind me sounding off. Trust me, you’re better off without him in your life.
Signed, Your Blog Mom, Nancy =)
trjensen
/ September 12, 2012Thank you Nancy! Everyone has told me to just cut him out. Last night I told him to stop messaging me because ignoring him is as painful if not more painful than speaking to him. I am really done though. I can’t do it anymore. Thank you for caring. I like having a blog mom
nancyelizabethlauzon
/ September 13, 2012You’re welcome. Keep your chin up, kiddo!