We all know there is a very real double standard when it comes to women and casual sex. Men can have sex with whoever, whenever and it is completely socially acceptable. Sure, they may get labeled for it. Women warn their friends about the manwhore or male slut they have dated but the truth is even these labels are worn by men as a badge of honor. Even many women disregard these labels because this behavior is socially acceptable and somewhat expected of men.
Women who have sex on impulse or have sex outside a committed relationship aren’t viewed as independent and adventurous. The societal perception of women enjoying and expressing their sexuality is far less flattering. Boy will be boys; women are sluts.
Over the past few years, with events like “SlutWalks” happening all over the country and the public outcry over the “War on Women” things have slowly begun to change. Women have become more united. They are working toward finding their collective voice. Slut shaming and the poorly conceived concept that women are primarily or solely to blame for unplanned pregnancy are no longer acceptable. We have truly begun to stand to together for our sisters. We are beginning to unite!
Women are taking a strong stance against the negativity surrounding female sexuality, expression and the idea that we are solely to blame for anything that could go wrong (e.g. rape, unplanned pregnancy.) As a result, we are learning to embrace our sexual selves. We are better coming together to deal with all of the negative social stigma surrounding women and their sex lives.
The truth is women should be afforded the same sexual freedom and respect men receive. Expressions of our sexuality are just as important as men’s. The truth is sexual expression and enjoying one’s sexual freedom is an important part of any individual’s life. We can all find strength in expressing our sexuality. It is something we should be allowed to explore without being judged or viewed negatively regardless of our how we choose to express it.
How much or little we choose to explore our sexual identity is not something that should be accepted based on gender. As with every other trait humans possess, our sexuality is unique and we should all be permitted to explore that individuality without fear of being labeled or persecuted. We should all be able to express ourselves proudly, male or female. We should be celebrating our autonomy, universally.
The Wandering Mind
/ June 20, 2012Society’s rules are sometimes quite outdated. I believe in an equal playing field, if I can do it, so can you.
nyomsis
/ June 21, 2012lol@the wandering mind….i quite agree..live and let live…no judging..only God is allowed to judge..IMHO
The Reemachronicles
/ June 21, 2012I 100% disagree with this post. Women just can’t be like men. Men and women are made up differently. We can’t do what you do and you can’t do what we do. Certain things are just not biologically acceptable. Banging a bunch of different dudes just leaves women with physical and emotional baggage. Anyone can sleep with a bunch of men. That’s not impressive. Men that are true to the game are not trying to get into serious relationship with women who are banging a bunch of men.
trjensen
/ June 21, 2012While I agree with and appreciate a lot of what you say, I amk telling you I have had sex with my fair share of men and I do not physical and emotional baggage as a result. And in direct contrast I do know men who are very easily attached after physical intimacy, whick I assume you think is “feminine.” Also, I absolutely love being a woman. I have no desire to like a man. I just think that if something is socially acceptable for one gender it should be socially acceptable for the other.
We can agree to disagree or maybe I am the acception. But I have been contacted by many women through this blog who do have casual sex without emotional fallout. I really like your blog and I have a ton of respect for you Reema but it is possible for women to have sex without losing her mind due to biology.
The Reemachronicles
/ June 21, 2012If you can separate the emotion from it, that’s cool in the game.
trjensen
/ June 21, 2012I know. I read your blog. ;P
The Reemachronicles
/ June 21, 2012Also, I don’t think women are to blame for rape. That’s a little crazy for someone to say that. In regards to unplanned pregnancy, women have to take responsibility for the men they sleep with. You have to choose correctly. At the end of the day, the woman decides if she is going to have a baby or not.
trjensen
/ June 21, 2012Women decide whether or not to have a child… yes. Women make a baby alone… no. And let’s be honest because some women decide to have a child based on whether or not the father plans to be around and men aren’t always honest or prepared for what that entails and then ‘baby momma’ is left to her own devices. Shit happens and I get that but many women do try to include men in the decision making process.
The Reemachronicles
/ June 21, 2012True! I always say hope for the best and prepare for the worst. You really never know what’s going to happen in a relationship especially when a child is involve. You just have to prepare for that and protect yourself.
trjensen
/ June 21, 2012I got pregnant in high school. I was raised by my mother and grandmother who were both very catholic. I had twp options living in that house. Adoption or keeping the baby. I decided I would go the adoption route because I had an academic scholarship to go to college. Then about two months after I found out I was pregnant my hormones took over and I decided to keep my son. I raised him alone. No help from dad at all. No child support; no shared custody. He just wasn’t around and I dealt with that.
The whole issue with me is that my pregnancy was a result of poor choices and some considerable irresponsibilty on the part of two kids who shouldn’t have been “pretending” to make a baby. I don’t like calling it a mistake but I am at a loss for what word to use. If an accident/mistake happens and it wasn’t planned for you should learn from that and adjust your behavior accordingly. Accidents like this only happen once because if you will do your damnedest to ensure it something unplanned doesn’t happen again. If you keep repeating the same mistake then you are just being reckless. I had a baby at 18 years old but I never got pregnant again because I could barely provide for the child I had for a very long time. It just didn’t make sense to have another baby. If you don’t learn from your mistakes that that isn’t an accident it is just irresponsible.
I learned from my unplanned pregnancy. I didn’t have anymore children because I wasn’t in a stable relationship and raising a child alone is just fucking hard. I don’t regret it for minute but I also didn’t do it again.
nyomsis
/ June 21, 2012@Reemachronicles may we understand why exactly men can sleep with a whole lot of women and not carry physical and emotional baggage? and why it is acceptable if that is the case? if you want to talk about morals and all of that is it not applicable both ways? that remark strikes me as stigmatizing…exactly what Teri is talking about in her post…women are not the only ones who need to be decent..MEN DO TOO……thank you for listening
The Reemachronicles
/ June 21, 2012By nature men are not emotional. A man does not have to have any connection to sleep with a woman. By Teri and a lot other women’s own admission, they need to feel some type of emotional connection to sleep with someone. That’s how the baggage sets in. As far as physically, again men are not judge primarily on their looks. For woman, that’s usually number one to start and then you have to bring more to the table besides looks. I 100% agree with men having to be decent. I always tell men to always keep their standards and always respect the game.
trjensen
/ June 21, 2012When I said I have connection, it doesn’t mean it lingers. If I want more I let it. If I don’t then I can absolutely shake it. It took a alot of work but I sure don’t carry anything around from some guy I had sex with once and don’t talk to. Like I said maybe I am the acception but I don’t get hurt. I made a decision to have sex and I own that but I also don’t fall in love because I saw a penis.
I had baggage from relationships or things I mistook as relationships and now I don’t have those issues. I can still be hurt when something doesn’t go the way I hoped but I don’t have hopes in casual situations.