I just spent the better part of an hour trying to find a definition of slut that I could stand behind. According to the authors of the book The Ethical Slut, a slut is “a person of any gender who has the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you.” I am going to write the rest of this post using this as the working definition of the term. If you don’t agree with the definition then you probably aren’t going to want to finish reading this post.
Let me start off by saying I hate the term slut. There is such a gross double standard about male/ female sexual conduct. Men are permitted to enjoy and indulge in their basic urges while women are shamed and labeled for that same behavior. Regardless of how you define the term I would most likely be categorized as a slut. I like sex. I have sex. Doing so is completely natural and healthy. I have also had what most would consider a lot of partners. Given my age and the fact that I have been single the bulk of the time I have been sexually active I do believe my number of partners is reasonable.
I want a relationship so I date. When I am dating I have sex. If I stop seeing that person then I start dating someone else. We eventually have sex and the cycle keeps going. Anyone who is in my position is in a cycle that increases your number of partners. That doesn’t make me promiscuous that means I am looking for something I haven’t found yet. And like I have said a million times, I am not buying a car without test driving it.
Do I have sex when I am not dating someone? Yes because I like sex. Sometimes I am just not in a place where trying to be in a relationship is a good idea. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to be touched or that my need for intimacy/connection is diminished. It simply means I am not in a place where I can deal with more than something short term. So if my feelings are hurt and I am not ready to really put myself out there with someone again it doesn’t mean I don’t still want to feel needed and desired. It doesn’t mean I don’t want to connect with someone and sex helps me meet those needs.
I like sex and I really don’t think that enjoying sex is a bad thing. I don’t think admitting any of this makes me immoral or says anything poor about my character. I think it means I am human and I have the same urges as everyone else. I just act on them. I meet my needs. So why is being a slut a bad thing? The difference between “good” girls and sluts is that the latter tends to be more open about who they are and what they want.
I have said this over and over again. How many partners you’ve had shouldn’t matter. If you respect people and treat them the way you want to be treated that’s what is important. I am a slut and I don’t feel bad about it.