I know I always have a predicament. I will likely not be in a relationship anytime soon which is fine because I certainly don’t want one just to be in one. I never want to be that girl that can’t be alone. The truth is I can be alone because I have been alone forever. The issue isn’t that but that I do love someone who wants me in his life.
The problem is that he wants us to be more or less platonic. He has feelings for me but he also wants his family and that will always override anything he else he may want/have with someone else. What I feel for him is not platonic it all. I don’t think it can be. He is more than willing to fight to keep me in his life but doesn’t want what I want. He gets upset when I tell him I can’t be friends with him. It hurts me to see him unhappy but it may be the one thing I can’t do for him.
I don’t want to be his friend. I want him in my life but not as a friend. I view him as so much more. I need all or nothing and I am going to wind up with nothing. I feel pretty rejected and he doesn’t understand. He just wants me to be in life. It is so frustrating I have been crying off and on for a couple of days now. I feel selfish telling him that I just can’t be his friend and still support him even though I truly do love him but I have to draw the line somewhere, right? I have to say enough is enough and walk away. I feel like I am hypocrite.
Cakes McCain
/ March 27, 2012You are so NOT a hypocrite. He wants you in his life on his terms only. And WHY can’t he balance a relationship AND family? Why is this so impossible? It’s not fair – He has to respect your feelings, and stand back.
trjensen
/ March 27, 2012I think what it boils down to is that he would still, regardless of what he feels for anyone else, be with his baby’s mother if the opportunity presented itself.
Cakes McCain
/ March 27, 2012ya I know about that. Usually a bad idea, it makes for very unhappy people down the road.
subtlekate
/ March 27, 2012This irks me. “I want you in my life but as a friend.” You have friends, you need more. He needs to either give more or let you go.
Hugs you. I’m sorry.
trjensen
/ March 27, 2012It is just frustrating and hurtful and I honestly believe he doesn’t want to hurt me. I have tried to explain where I am coming from but I also need to be respectful of myself. I really think he is not understanding where I am.
subtlekate
/ March 27, 2012You are right, he doesn’t understand your point of view here, he can only see his own. I am having that issue myself right now.
Lisa Summerlin
/ March 27, 2012That’s a rough situation but it certainly does not make you a hypocrite. He wants you in his life, but on his terms and that seems to me he’s not really taking into consideration how you truly feel. Selfish on his part. Be careful sweetie. I’d hate to see you get hurt. ((HUGS))
trjensen
/ March 27, 2012I am trying to work through all of it and where I fit in, if I fit in.
mysterycoach
/ March 27, 2012Your feelings matter. So, if your feelings matter do you feel it’s fair of “him” to put you in a position by only wanting something platonic (i.e., he gets what he wants, you get… heartbreak) to remain friends when you can’t do that?
It’s not mean to put yourself first, it’s not uncaring, bitchy or cruel. He, to me, needs to care enough about your feelings to respect what your saying.
Follow?
trjensen
/ March 27, 2012I totally agree with you.
mysterycoach
/ March 27, 2012Good.
Hmmppph. heh… You know me (I think by now), I want what’s best for you.
trjensen
/ March 27, 2012And I love you for that!
mysterycoach
/ March 27, 2012Kewl beans woman
… da’wuv u 2.
The Wandering Mind
/ March 27, 2012Why can’t he see how you feel? If you matter to him he will try to make things work. He wants to play it safe, but love is a risk! You want all of him or none of him, if he doesn’t get that then he isn’t in love with you, nor has he been. You are not being selfish or hypocritical. It seems as though he’s taking care of his needs & fitting you in how & when he sees fit. That’s not very considerate in my opinion. I’m not saying he’s a jerk or anything, I’m just saying he needs to grow a *bleebing* spine while he figures out his heart in comparison to yours.
“The good ones go, if you wait too long. You should go before you stay too long.” -Drake
trjensen
/ March 27, 2012I do want hin in my life. Like I said, I have this crazy need to protect him. I just need to separate how I would treat him as a friend as opposed to how I would behave with him as a lover. I need to take a step back to do that but he I can’t imagine him not being in my life in some capacity.
a2realhousewife
/ March 27, 2012I am sorry. Is he married? I agree with what your other supporters have written. You are not a hypocrite. I am also proud of you for writing that you are not willing to be in a relationship just to be in one.
trjensen
/ March 27, 2012I wouldn’t date anyone who was seperated or married. He has a child with someone else. It is his first.
Ben
/ March 27, 2012Hi Teri, I’m sorry to hear this and no, you’re not a hypocrite at all. You would definitely be justified in walking away and getting on with your life.
That said, I personally have “made it work” being just friends with someone I was in love with. It’s very difficult and can bring a lot of heartache, but I was able to compartmentalize my emotions enough to pull it off. I wouldn’t recommend it because it’s certainly unfair to the one in love, but it is possible.
trjensen
/ March 27, 2012I know he will still be in ny life. I just need to step back and get my head wrapped around how much that might be.
Ben
/ March 27, 2012Good luck Teri! ((((HUGS))))
The Reluctant Monogamist
/ March 27, 2012Look at it this way – he’s being selfish trying to keep you in his life when it’s clearly not good for you.
totsymae1011
/ March 27, 2012Dang. I was hoping this would work out well for both of you. You probably need to distance yourself. Being friends or sticking around to see what he decides renders you powerless and it’s not healthy for you.You seem the most selfless person in this situation and he’s not reciprocating that. I think everyone who’s responded wants the best for you & based on your post, he’s not. Take care of your heart.
bestbathroombooks
/ March 27, 2012Don’t really know him or you. But trying to be just friends if one person doesn’t want that sucks. I would find a way to gracefully fade.
www.RoseRibbon.com
/ March 27, 2012Wow… this is some guy b.s. I’m so sorry. I hate games. Why can’t people just be respectful and direct. If you want to be together than DO IT! If not, then don’t. I know sometimes it’s hard, but it would be so much easier for everyone. So sorry you’re having to go through this. <3 Pam
nancyelizabethlauzon
/ March 29, 2012Everyone here has given great advice. If he were a true friend, he wouldn’t have a problem respecting your feelings. I think keeping him in your life (as it stands now) is a big mistake, and a good recipe for heartbreak. You should protect your heart. Because his isn’t completely available to you in the way that you want it. You need someone who is ready to give you their whole heart.
Best of luck