“Why are you still single?” Many of the guys I entertain the idea of dating ask me that. My answer is always the same. “I don’t know.” Maybe I waited too long to have what would really be a starter relationship. Maybe I am too emotionally damaged. Maybe I just try too hard adding additional pressure to a situation without knowing I am doing it.
Last year I started talking to a guy I went to high school with and he asked me that question as we started flirting during a Facebook chat session. “I really don’t get it. You are a cool chick. Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” I assured I didn’t really get why it seemed impossible for me to lock someone down. We continued chatting over the course of the next few days until on the fourth day he said, “I know why you aren’t in a relationship.” I asked him why he thought that was and he answered simply, “You don’t need anyone.” I got a little pissed off at first. “But I want someone! Why isn’t that enough?”
A few days later I was talking to a friend about that conversation and how annoyed I was with that summation of my situation. “Men need to feel needed,” she said, “and it took me a long time to figure out how to show a man that he was needed.” I told her I had no idea how to pretend that I had spent the bulk of my life having only myself to rely on. I was not comfortable leaning on someone else. I trust me. That is the one thing life had taught me was that I could really just count on myself to do what needed to be done and I didn’t know how to “pretend” that wasn’t the way it was. I said, “I want a partner but I can take care of myself.”
She explained that if a man didn’t feel needed he didn’t see his value in a relationship. I really didn’t know what to do at that point. Quite frankly I thought might actually be shit out of luck. I spent a lot of time thinking about why I felt so strongly about what I wanted in partner. What was missing from my life that I really wanted now? Then I realized that making a man feel needed was more about emphasizing the things I wanted in partner so that he would feel valued and needed.
I am still not very good at it. I should prabably work on that, huh?