So I had my second one night stand recently (and I am hoping the potential for another hook-up will not be far off.) But for now, as of this very moment, it is still a one night stand. And of course I have had way too much time to think about it now. I really don’t know how I feel about it. I don’t typically do things like that. It is totally out of character for me. I have trust issues and I can’t just have sex with someone based solely on physical attraction.
Unless… I am pretty drunk and a very hot much younger man asks if he can see my place. Then apparently I have no issue. The sex was amazing. I was surprised given his age but he was very good. He was also super attentive and I definitely needed that. I have spent too much time thinking about people hurting me and not enough time trying anything to get past it. It definitely helped with that.
My issue is that now aside from trying to find time to get together again before he is deployed to Afghanistan; I am not sure how I feel about how easy it was for me to just let him into my house and into my bed. I feel nothing above the waist for the guy and that is a little weird to me too. I have been off the charts horny and hadn’t had sex in months. And in that respect my needs were met.
I am worried that I could really do this. I can have sex with no attachment and I don’t want to be that girl. It was easy to just think about the physical aspect of pleasure with him because I do not consider him relationship material. He was very attractive and attracted to me which is fantastic for my ego. We were very sexually compatible but he is too young and leaving. But the ease in which I fell into bed with him was alarming, even to me. I see the potential of me being my own worst enemy if this behavior continues.
I just need to modify my behavior. I need my Catholic sense of guilt back. If I have the opportunity I will absolutely sleep with this man again but I won’t do it with anyone else. I just can’t. I don’t like the way I feel about it (and I love the way I feel about it.) I just can’t keep doing it just because I let my libido get the best of me.