I have been getting a lot of attention lately; a lot of attention. I don’t mind it. Shit look at the title of my blog. I love it. I have even become kind of used to it. I don’t strive to be the center of attention. Sometimes I enjoy it and sometimes I loathe it. All in all I have been getting what seems like an unusual amount of male attention lately. Maybe it because it is spring, maybe it is because my confidence level is back up or I am actually just back in a place where I feel comfortable talking to men again. But if you ask my friends most would probably say it was because I am far too open about things of a sexual nature.
While I agree that I am open and that might cause me to be viewed in a certain way by the opposite sex, I am always honest about what I want and don’t want. I guess I have just reached the point in my little journey where I either embrace my deviance or let it go. I have come to a crossroad.
The thing is I like talking about relationships and sex with anyone, not just men. I talk about it with my friends. I like being open and I don’t really care, in that respect, what people think of me. I know who I am and I am comfortable with the image I project. My friends know me and they know what I would and would not do. My newer acquaintances and blog readers only know what I tell them and I think that they may be lead slightly astray by my desire to explore that increasingly more dominant, sexual side of myself.
So I have decided that I am selectively deviant. I love my dirty, dirty friends and I love talking to them about what I talk to them about. It doesn’t mean I am going to sleep with them and doesn’t mean I wouldn’t sleep with some of them. What it means is that I am being more honest and trying to develop a side of myself that I neglected for far too long. If I am interested in having sex with someone they will be the first person to know about it and if anyone else wants to assume I am would sleep with them that is only their assumption. Ultimately I would still much rather find a long term partner that I can be in a committed relationship with but it doesn’t mean I won’t still discuss the things that I do.
So to sum it up… I very open. At some point I think every conversation I have goes someplace dirty. I will likely ask you an inappropriate question but it isn’t because I want to sleep with you it is because I just want to know and if I genuinely care about you as a friend then I really shed all sense of boundaries. So if I haven’t brought up sex with you ever… I probably don’t like you that much.
I am happy that out of everything that happened with the last guy I dated I am learning to be more direct and forward about what it is I want. I want someone I am compatible with. Talking openly about sex with a man gives you a pretty clear idea of he approaches a lot of things. I get answers without asking questions men might otherwise respond differently to.
I do love the attention. I love talking to people and getting to know them. I like being comfortable enough with myself that I can be honest with other people. I think that is what is getting me the attention. It isn’t because I am a pervert (but I am!) or because I think about sex all the time (but I do think about it a lot.) It is because I have a better understanding of myself and how I can effectively communicate with others. I am who I am and that will continue to change as I grow but right now I am pretty fucking awesome.