On occasion when I whine about being lonely, especially when I am out drinking with my girlfriends their advice is this, “You need to get laid.”  I have many issues with this piece of advice.  I argue that sex tends to present me with more problems than it does solutions.  Sure I would rather be having sex.  I would almost always be rather having sex but I just don’t do random hook ups.  I don’t have sex for the sake of having sex with random strangers regardless of how attractive they are (Okay so I have done this once but I was drunk to the point I could barely function and I felt really shitty about it afterwards. That is a story for another day.) I just have this mental block about random sex.

I was talking to a friend recently on his birthday. I inquired about what he had done that day to celebrate and he said he had spent the bulk of the day with his daughter.  “No party?” “Nope.” “No cake?” “No.” “Did you get laid?” I teased.  “Of course I did.” He replied. He explained that had gone to his ex’s house because he said, “He knew she would and that it would be good.”  I commented that I had always preferred someone familiar to a random hook-up.  He said, “Sometimes it good to have something strange.”  I noted that it wasn’t very safe but he stuck to his guns.

I do not want something foreign.  If I am going to have sex for the sake of having plain-old, dirty, fun sex then I would much prefer it be with someone I am acquainted with.  I have issues with physical intimacy and even more issues with emotional intimacy so if I am going to sleep with someone for whatever reason I need to know them, at least a little.  I need some comfort level established because if I am not comfortable before I am never going to get comfortable.

This doesn’t mean that I just want go around sleeping with my male friends until I find a boyfriend either.  Gross!  I still need to be attracted to the guy and as I have previously stated… I am picky and maybe, just maybe mildly shallow.  This means I would only have sex with my hot friends.  And furthermore, we have to have a connection stronger than our desire to fuck each other because I have no desire to go around fucking up perfectly good friendships (pun intended) because I can’t keep my hormones in check.  I need to be able to keep myself grounded.

Given the long list of requirements that need to be met in order for me to have “fun” sex … I don’t really have fun sex.  It isn’t that I wouldn’t.  I actually have someone in mind but as with everything there are complications so I’ll have to wait and see what happens. Plus honestly, getting me laid isn’t the same thing as having a relationship, not even a very short relationship.  I would much rather have someone to cuddle up next to on the couch every night (before we have sex. )