Last week, I read an article about women and their porn viewing habits. I do not have an issue with pornography as anyone who really knows me can tell you. I am a very visual person. The question was “do ladies watch porn.” Their answers varied but the overall response to the question was that at some point every woman interviewed admitted that had seen pornography. The article surprised me a little because I know plenty of women who wouldn’t cop to watching porn let alone enjoying it.
At the end of the article was a string of comments regarding the question itself and the women interviewed responses. One woman’s comment agitated me. She said, “LADIES do not watch porn. Only vile, nasty, low-life people watch it.” I initially had no intention on commenting on the article; everything seemed to be covered. But the moment I read this archaic, hyper judgmental, prudish comment my ego got the better of me. I,who have a great penchant for pushing things too far, left a fairly general yet descriptive comment about pornography and why and when I like it and the fact that it made me no less of a lady. Am I ashamed or embarrassed that I made the comment? Absolutely not!
But that same evening, I received a message from a stranger on Facebook who had read my comment on the article. He somehow managed to track me down. He found my blog and then followed it to my Facebook page. The message started out complimentary. He enjoyed my writing and liked my blog a lot. He said he respected my honesty and that we were kindred spirits of sorts. That was where the compliments stopped. He then went on to suggest that I A) be more sexually explicit in blog, B) entertain the idea of having sex with him(something he explained in far more detail) and C) that we should record his suggested scenarios, i.e. make a porn.
I explained to him that I do not write a sex blog, and though I have entertained the idea, my sex life isn’t that exciting. I thanked him for complimenting my writing and then detailed my views on when sexual advances are appropriate.
First, Let it be said that I love dirty talk. I like discussing sex in general or in detail in certain situations. What I don’t like is someone “overhearing” or reading a general comment and turning into something personal. I do not like complete strangers to say something crude to me because I have an opinion about sex. It doesn’t mean I am whore and it doesn’t mean I am promiscuous. It means sometimes I like to watch porn, not that I want to make one. It doesn’t mean I want poorly written, grammatically incorrect erotica from strangers.
I like talking about sex with my friends and sometimes strangers I engage or who have something general to contribute. I like talking dirty with my friends and with men I am clearly interested in sexually. I never want someone I don’t know objectifying me because they assume that because I am open I will fuck anyone. That type of behavior will never illicit the response you want.