I have a huge problem when it comes to men.  I tend to be attracted to men, who by my own definition are douchebags.  They aren’t always douchebags to me but chances are they have had some douchebag-ish problem with some other woman and I was fully aware of it before I started dating them.  This is a problem and I recognize that.

I am drawn to men who are conventionally handsome, work with their hands, are confident and typically think women need men.  I am an intelligent, fairly well educated, independent woman and I have virtually nothing in common with the men I most often find myself attracted to.  I don’t like being viewed as inferior by anyone yet I am attracted to men who just expect you to be dependent on them is some way.

The men I am attracted to are typically very flirtatious, very complimentary, love women and pride themselves on the notches on their bedposts.  They are open about sex, what they like and express an interest in your sexual appetite.  They are almost always amazing in the sack.

What they like about me is that I also love to talk about sex (in case you didn’t already know) and I am very open about what I like and don’t like.  I get shy around men I am attracted to when it comes to real communication and they seem to view this as meekness or lack of intelligence.  I am someone who would easily fall for the myriad of bullshit they are about to serve me or at very least not speak up about it.

The truth is I know when I meet a guy I am attracted to that he is likely a giant ass-hat just because I am attracted to him.  But I do ignore douchebag behavior.  I like men to take control.  I don’t mean order my dinner/give me an allowance/tell me who I can hang out with control.  I like men that handle business. I like men who are forward when it is called for.  I don’t like initiating anything because I am shy when it comes to emotional stuff and I am lazy when it comes to actively pursuing a potential mate. 

I also don’t want to sleep with someone I don’t find physically attractive.  I really do like blue collar types.  I just need to stop putting up with assholes who are hell bent on convincing me that they wholly superior to me when I know they are not but have played the role so long that I have a hard time convincing even myself it isn’t actually true.

I have come to recognize that this is one of the major areas in my life in which I have been floundering.  I have trouble separating emotional and physical intimacy and once the latter has happened the two are permanently intertwined in my mind. 

I am, however, drawn to who I am drawn to.  All attractive, handy, confident men aren’t assholes.  I know there are good ones out there.  I just need to work on my filter and stop trying to convince myself that bad behavior is excusable.  My name is Teri and I am an addict.